Africa and all its Awesome: Part 2- Stories

This post is going to be full of random stories and situations that I want to remember from my trip.  Some may be interesting and others just weird.  And it is all going to be very sporadic and in no particular order.  Here we go....

So one of the funniest little memories I have at the orphanage was on the first full day we were there.  We were cleaning out the first room to start painting it.  The walls were absolutely filthy; I don't really even know how to describe what color they were.  And there were plenty of creepy, crawly things all around.  I actually just got used to it by the end of the trip and didn't even think about it anymore.  But since this was our first day, I was pretty shocked at the size of their spiders in particular.  They were really flat but very big.  Like a meaty sort of spider, if you know what I mean.  We aren't talking daddy longlegs here.  These guys are thick.  So we are cleaning the walls as best as we can and I look up near the top of the wall and there was a huge one of these guys.  So of course, I had to get Kaley and Kristyn's attention to look at it as well.  All the kids giggled at us gawking over this massive bug.  The wall that it was one was open at the top.  In other words, it didn't touch the ceiling, it just cut the room in half.  Before I even knew what was going on, I saw a little head peaking over the wall from the other side.  Faibe, who I didn't know at the time, had climbed up onto the bunk bed in the other room and was now leaning over the wall, grinning at me.  And then, out of nowhere.....WHACK!  She just smacked the spider with her hand, the whole time just looking at me with the biggest smile.  Then she scampered down the other side, and all I could do was stare at the bloodied spot on the wall from the now VERY flat spider.  As she came into the room, still smiling, I was like, "That was awesome!" and gave her a huge high five.  It's funny for me to think that at the time I hardly knew the kid.  She is the most outgoing and brave girl I know.  At ten years old, she is much tougher and stronger than I am.  She is beautiful and carefree and the true definition of fearless.  I love her so much and miss her random hugs and gorgeous smile.  I'll always remember our first real encounter together....the day she saved me from the monstrous spider.

One of the most heartbreaking things I saw in Uganda was when we visited a rock quarry in Kampala.  It's hard to describe the scene and all its horribleness, but basically, its an area where huge chunks of rock are exploded out of the ground and cliffs and slowly but surely broken down into smaller boulders.  This process alone is VERY dangerous.  Many people die from being trapped under the falling rock.  It's horrible to listen to the stories.  Then, from these smaller rocks, gravel must be made.  And this is the part we witnessed all around.  Sitting on the top of sharp rock pieces about the size of fist (maybe a little smaller), women and children spend their entire day whacking away with their little hammers, turning these pieces into 4 or 5 smaller ones.  My description is just ruining this.  You just have to see it to understand.  Unfortunately I didn't take many pictures there.  Not only was it hard for me to see this, I didn't know if it was appropriate to pull out my snazzy camera and capture the suffering right in front of them.  You know what I mean?  I didn't want to appear unfeeling to their position.  But now I really wish I had taken more pictures to explain this better and open eyes.  Just take my word for it though.  It is awful.  All day long these women pound on these rocks, which is horrible for their arms and is terribly difficult.  The breath in the rock dust and it tears up their lungs.  And they do it all for not even $2 a day.  How is this even possible?  It just makes my heart ache.  Grace helps these women.  She gives them an alternative to their current position and situation.  And with the help of Greater Living Ministries, these women and girls are given a hope and future!  One girl we met is being sponsored and studying to become a doctor.  PRAISE JESUS!

My first experience in doing laundry was not very good.  We had to do it in our tiny bathroom at our hotel, and there was only one basin in the room.  I hadn't seen anyone do laundry up to this point so I had no idea what I was doing.  And of course, the pink skirt that I was washing bled like crazy.  How I didn't catch that the water was pink is beyond me.  Apparently I was just so tired that nothing was comprehending in my brain.  But I so smoothly placed the wet pink skirt on top of Kaley's nice white skirt.  After finishing up the other clothes and going to hang them on the handy dandy makeshift line I made (Jeano, you would be so proud!), I realized that Kaley's white skirt now had a distinct patch of pink on it.  Real cool, Kirsten.  Real cool.  So then in an attempt to make it still wearable, I set about to tie dye the entire skirt.  And although it didn't turn out quite as good as I had hoped, it worked.  It became the skirt we used for painting.  No big deal, except for the fact that it prolonged the laundry process that night by like 30 minutes.  Just super annoying.

The first day we were with the kids, they all got together and started singing and dancing for us.  I was so jealous of them.  They were all so good and had rhythm....yet each move was sort of unique for them.  Anywho.  Pastor Enook, who is 10 years old and wants to be a pastor when he grows up and therefore wants to be called "Pastor Enook", is one of Paul's sons.  Paul's sons are crazy.  So there is Nekesa, his daughter, who is 20.  Sarah, who is 18.  Moses, who is like 15.  Enook is around 10.  Abraham is like 8.  Daniel is 6.  Joshua is 4ish.  Joseph is 3.  And Leroy is just over 1.  Yeah.  LOTS OF BOYS.  So anyway, from Enook down, the boys are just kinda crazy and love the attention.  I have countless images in my head of funny things these boys did together.  So the kids are singing and dancing, and Enook and Daniel have this hip hop swag thing going on in their dancing.  It's so entertaining to watch.  And then, they got tired of it and just took a break beside me.  Out of nowhere, Pastor Enook tells me that Daniel is a man of God and that he has a word for me and wants to pray for me.  Daniel is just shyly smiling at me.  When he doesn't do anything, Enook tells Mama Janet, who is sitting beside me, what he was telling me in their language.  Then she smiled and urged Daniel to do it.  So he walks up to me, with that little shy smile (the kid is hardly ever shy at all), places his hand on my head, and just starts praying over me.  I loved it.  He is 6!  I love that God is just bursting from his seams at such a young age even.  I can't wait til I can lay my hand on his little head and pray for him someday.

So.  Blue hair.  Have ya had it before?  Well, I have.  And let me tell ya.  It's quite the adventure :]  And not at all what I had in mind.  Here's the explanation on all that....
At the orphanage, they don't have running water.  So this makes washing hair quite the challenge.  Most people there don't have hair really.  And a lot of them have braids weaved into their hair.  So I thought, YEAH!  Let's get our hair braided!  It'll make life so much easier.  And when I first told my plan to Nekesa, who knows how to do hair, she just laughed at me.  And Kaley.  And then she told other people in her language what we wanted to do, and they laughed at us too!  I don't know why it was so funny to them.  I think just because they can't really grow hair, they didn't understand why we would want to cover ours up.  But, in my head, no hair was going to be covered up.  But when they finally realized that we were in fact serious, she told us that we would need to get "extensions" because our hair was too soft and wouldn't hold the braids, which made sense to me.  So I thought I knew what she meant and what it was going to look like.  Anywho, we walked to the hair salon place, where I thought that Nekesa was going to go get the extensions for us to use, and then she would do our hair at the orphanage.  Oh, no no no.  Not at all what happened.  What we did end up doing was staying at the hair salon place (10 minute walk from the orphanage) where the head lady explained a little bit of her life to us, and then proceeded to basically just start doing my hair.  So, originally, I thought that I wanted to get purple strands braided into my hair, cuz that would just look sweet!  Like, nice blonde cornrows with a little bit of purple mixed in to spice it up.  Perfect, right?  Well, not really.  The hair salon place only had blue, blonde, and black extensions.  So, Kaley and I decided that I would get the blue and she would get the blonde, that way we both got a little bit of a different color in our lives.  So the head lady started on my hair without really even asking.  And pretty soon, she had two braids done, at which point I decided to take a peek at her work.  And boy oh boy, did my heart die a little when I looked at it.  You see.....the braids she had finished were blue.  Like.....all the way blue.  She decided to cover up all my normal hair with the fake blue hair. And this blue was like.....royal blue.  Like....I'm talking a very bright, easy-to-spot blue.  My first thought was, "OH MY WORD.  I look like an ALIEN!" And I started panicking inside a little.  But at this point, it was too late to go back.  Kaley tried to console me, but I wasn't fooled by her lies.  But I wasn't the only one they surprised with crazy hair.  The lady that started doing hers decided that she was going to start all the braids from the left side of her head and go across the whole thing.  She basically looked a little bit like she had an Egyptian helmet on or something.  But, I definitely took home the prize for most ridiculous head that week.  Fortunately, I did get them to give me strips of blonde amidst the blue, which is a common thing to do over there.....mixing two colors in your weave.  So, although it was very interesting, and I definitely didn't love it, it did get a little better.  Also, this process took 4 HOURS TO COMPLETE!  Craziness!!  So of course, in the middle of having our hair braided, it was time for lunch.  So, we had to walk the 10 minutes back to the orphanage to eat with half done hair.  As if we didn't get enough attention from Africans for being white, now we had ridiculous hair!  I feel like even blind people were staring at us the whole way, we stuck out so much.  And then, by the time it was finally finished, we both had a serious headache from having our head yanked for 4 hours, and our heads felt like they weighed 10 extra pounds with all that fake hair woven in.  The funny thing is that I am pretty sure they actually thought it looked cool.  I mean, they told us repeatedly that we looked "SO SMART!!" which means pretty over there, but I feel like they would tell us that regardless.  I do think that they really appreciated/respected the fact that we were getting into their culture.  .....A stranger passing by me did call me an Oompa Loompa though once.  That was a sad day.  It's never happened before.

So after getting our hair all did and stuff, we worked our updos for like.....a week.  It got SO itchy for me.  And I was CONVINCED I had lice.  GROSS.  So I asked Nekesa to show me how to take it out.  For some reason, I had in my head that it would take like 15 minutes and life would be back to normal again.  Who knows why I had this in my head since it did take 4 hours to put them in.  So taking them out took 1 hour itself.  CRAZY.  And that was with at least 2 people working on it at one time.  Kaley had 4 people working to take her braids out at one point.  But not only did it take longer than I was expecting, but I also was shocked at the amount of hair that I lost.  Seriously, it was shocking to me.  And most of you won't want to know or think about this pointless information but I'm going to post it anyway.  I literally would run my hand through my gross mane and pull out clumps of hair.  I was pretty distressed about it at the time.  But yeah.  It was just funny to me that even taking out my blueness was an experience.  Would I change anything looking back though?  No, I don't think so.  Will I ever let someone give me a blue head again?  No.  But the memories I have now are priceless.

Even though this post is way late and its been months since we left there.....3 months actually.......I still REALLY miss Uganda.  I mean, a lot.  Not just the people, but obviously especially the people.  I really love that country though.  I can't explain it.  You just have to experience it for yourself to understand I think.  I miss red dirt and jackfruit.  I miss the language and boda bodas.  I miss storytime and even broken paint rollers.  I miss it all.  Can't wait to do it again, hopefully for longer the next time though :]

Another part of Uganda was the many visits we took to the hospitals.  For some reason, Paul really thought we should go to the hospitals.....like as much as possible.  It was so sad.  Seriously, we are so blessed here in America.  It drives me crazy.  They have NOTHING over there.  Their hospitals wouldn't even be worthy to treat animals here.  And I'm being so serious right now.  I know I am an exaggerator, but this time its true.  And if you want, I have pictures to prove it.  It is just so overwhelming.  The things I saw in those doors were.....I guess the only way I can describe it is that I will never know forget the people we saw in there.  Horrifying sights.  Malnutrition.  Despair.  Sickness.  Just everywhere.  After these trips, I just wanted to be alone.  That's how I deal with things.....I think.  And to think, I need to be alone.

There has never been a time when I needed to be alone like the time that I witnessed Eunice get operated on.  One morning, Eunice woke up in a lot of pain, and somehow, she developed a tumor in her armpit the size of a golfball.  I've never seen anything like it.  It just appeared overnight.  And it put her in a lot of pain.  She couldn't raise her arm at all without wincing.  And if you know anything about the mentality of Africans, its that pain is in your mind.  They are the people that deal and get by with grace.  They find a way.  And they take so much pain and suffering.  All of that to say, that her wincing means that it was big time pain she was dealing with.  So, as always, the first place they took her was the little shack down the street that they call a clinic.  As the "doctor" examined her, he couldn't even give her a shot in her arm because he couldn't find her vein.  He tried to make it pop up by tying a used powdered glove around her wrist.  I'm telling you, these people just don't have the resources.  Anywho, he gave her this shot to make the size of the tumor to go down so that removing it would be easier.  Supposedly, with like 4 shots, the tumor was supposed to shrink.  Yeah.  That didn't happen at all.  It was just very painful for her and nothing was happening.  So they decided they were going to operate on a Sunday.  I'm pretty sure the tumor appeared on Thursday morning.  So Sunday came and the madness began after church.

I've never been more horrified in all of my life.  First of all, it started out with Eunice screaming and crying to not have to go in today.  Mama Janet didn't really pay any attention to her and actually just kept ripping her arm up to show people the tumor.  Eunice would literally yelp out in pain.  And then she actually started running down the street in the opposite direction of the clinic and the boys had to go drag her back.  Mama Janet and the kids actually laughed at her.  Their culture just doesn't know mercy and compassion the way we do.  Pain is just a way of life and you buck up and deal.  And to them, Eunice was just being a baby, even though she had great reason to not want to go through what was about to happen.  When we had finally reached the clinic with a wailing, crying Eunice in tow, I was already at the point of extreme irritation and helplessness.  And it had just begun.

What happened next will never leave my brain.  I hate it.  I hate that there is so much injustice in the world.  And I don't even wanna go into too many details.  I'm never going to forget it, so basically recounting it is just so that other people can understand a wee bit of just how in need that place is.  Basically, without any numbing or pain medication or anesthetics, they proceeded to lay Eunice on the floor on a bamboo mat in a dirty back room with no lighting, had Mama Janet and Sanyu hold her arm up, and then, the doctor took a knife and sliced off her "tumor".  It was absolutely HORRIFYING.  The screams I heard can never be forgotten.  What I saw can never be erased.  And the worst part was, no one else seemed to be affected at all.  The other kids actually laughed and mocked her screams, and Mama Janet just seemed to be annoyed with all of her "unnecessary" commotion.  Now, I love them all to death, but I was just so angry at this point.  I was hurting for Eunice.  I wanted to be alone.  I was angry at America for having so much and doing so little for those in need.  I was confused with God for allowing this to happen.  And I was just a mess.  I don't know.  I still go through these emotions when I think about it too much.  I hate it.  I feel very helpless and hopeless.  But, all I know is that God is in control.  There is no doubt of that.  I just can't understand Him at times.  He may not be safe, but He is definitely good, and that is all I need to know.

Now, I know the last bit was pretty depressing.  The great news is that Eunice is excellent now!  It took a couple of days, but by the time we were ready to leave, she was herself again.  And for this, I am so grateful.  If you want to see strength, go to Africa.  The people there will show you what it is all about.  They are beasts.  And I miss them so much.

My memories from Uganda are many.  My facebook status that I posted when we were leaving pretty much sums it up.

"Love. It's a distinct dirt handprint on the back of a white tshirt from a "just because" hug from an amazing kiddo. It's laying under the stars, talking n learning the local language with beautiful girls. It's in all their singing n dancing. It's having my hair ripped out as 5 kids try braiding it at one time. It's what my heart oozes of for this wonderful country. N it's the exact reason I will be returning in the future. Uganda, you've turned my dream into a goal. See you again soon."

Yup.  That is what I still feel and believe to this day.  All I can do is trust that God's timing is perfect and He knows best.  He has my best interest in mind.  How can I argue with the Creator of the universe?  He orchestrates everything, and its perfect.  It's my job to be available to His leading and do the things He has placed in front of me at this moment.  Living in the moment and watching for where He is working and joining Him in that.....that's what I am trying to do right now.  And I plan to start sharing about what exactly I am doing right now very soon.  That might start next week....I hope.  But until then, I hope that you all are seeking out where the Spirit is working around you and joining Him in that work.  He is so good.  

I'm so thankful for my time in Uganda.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  So, if you are reading this and are considering going somewhere far away, I highly recommend you look into it.  You will be blessed by it, I can promise you that.  Thanks for reading and God bless!

Africa and all its Awesome: Part 1- Schedule

Over a month.  That's how long it has been since I....well, we, meaning my sister Kaley and I.....left Uganda.  And I don't even know where to begin.  I haven't really been able to process the trip at all.  But I know there is just so much bundled up inside of me.  And as more things keep being added to the inside of me, the tension and stress builds.  And I just wanna remember my amazing trek to the land of my dreams and remind myself of all the things I learned there.  So...here goes.

I think I'll just start by kinda going over the whole journey.  This is mostly for me, so I can always look back and remember the general stuff too about the trip.  So yeah.  The schedule, although I do have a tendency to be long winded  :]

Travelling was pretty intense.  We flew out Thursday night from DC, which meant that on Wednesday morning, Kaley and I drove to Virginia and stayed at Leroy's house with my friend from REACH, Kristyn, who also happens to be Leroy's niece.  God's creativity astounds me.  Then, on Thursday, the dreadful waiting for our flight that evening began.  As a sidenote, I'd much rather leave a place in the morning.  If you leave at night, the whole day is wasted by either just wishing you had left already or dreading departing from the place you are leaving.  But, we finally left, and after around 30 hours of traveling time with very little sleep during and being up for much longer, WE MADE IT.  Sure, we only had 2 of our 8 suitcases when we landed, but after figuring out how to get the rest back later, we left the airport with Paul and John, two of the pastors under Greater Living Ministries (the ministry started by Leroy to which he is the President) that would be by our sides throughout the entire journey.  They are amazing men of faith and obedience.  Their lives are not only inspiring, they are downright compelling.  More on them later.  So we made our way to our hotel in Kampala and were on our way to sleep a little before 2 am.  Actually, I think the only reason I got any sleep that night was due to pure exhaustion.  Apparently on the weekends, Kampala likes to party in the streets until 4 or 5 am, and when the people party, they do it LOUD.  Blaring music pounded its way into our ears both days we stayed at this hotel.  Not the best sleep I have ever gotten, but not the worst either.  That was to come :] Anywho.  So many details.

The next day was a great one.  Just being in Africa made it great, honestly.  It has been the biggest dream of my life so far, so I was pretty ecstatic.  But that day, which would be Saturday, we got to meet Grace, aka a real life superwoman.  Her ministry, which is helped by Greater Living Ministries, is one that reaches out to widows and single moms.  Through her hard work and creativity, she thinks up and starts programs that provide skill sets for the women.  Whether it be through sewing things, growing and selling mushrooms, or making jewelry, these women are finding hope and a purpose for life.  And that purpose's name is Jesus.  With these new ways to provide for their families, the struggle each day grows weaker.  And Grace is a beast.  She is constantly thinking and planning, always with the other women in mind.  Her selfless love and passion for her work are so real.  Her faithfulness to the King is precious.  She is truly a warrior for the Kingdom.

Later on this day, we visited a rock quarry.  In my next post, I will be posting stories from the trip, which will better explain this place.  Just know that NO ONE should have to suffer the way these workers do.  To sum it up quickly, women (generally) pound rocks down into gravel using tiny hammers all day long.  And they do it all for less than $2 a day.  The sight makes me wish I could take back any complaint I have ever voiced before.  We are so blessed here.

After, we returned to the hotel, and Leroy, Kaley, and I payed $8 to get a full body massage.  Yup.  $8.  And it was WONDERFUL.  Money well spent if ya ask me.  Then, it was another horribleish night of trying to sleep with the music flooding through the walls.  Exhaustion helped.


We were originally only going to stay at the hotel in Kampala for one night, but due to the fact that our bags were missing, we stayed an extra night, after being told that they would arrive Sunday morning at 10.  Well, Sunday morning at 10 came and went and still....no bags.  So, we went to church, which was our first experience with African worship.  There's just something about it....I'm convinced that if you are born in Africa, you are automatically gifted with rhythm.  EVERYONE there can dance and clap and drum all crazy to different beats.  It's insane, and I love it.  Also, African worship services are LONG.  Like, 4 hours is an average church service.  And they get so into the singing and dancing part of the service, and then its really hot and stuffy in the church, so generally you have a bunch of people falling asleep in the middle of it.  And sometimes, a lady with a stick comes around and pokes you until you wake up.  I found this to be extremely comical :]

So, after this church service, we waited for the bags until like 2 o'clock I think.  And we drove into town and picked them up on the sidewalk outside of the post office type thing.  This was exciting, except for the fact that we only got two of the suitcases.  And of course, they were Leroy and Kristyn's OTHER suitcases.  For some reason, Kaley's and mine took a trip to Dubai.  Why?  No idea.  But, that's what they did.  So, we headed off to Busia with 4 of the 8 suitcases.  It was a 5 hour drive from Kampala to Busia. which really isn't bad at all.  We hired a driver for the entire week to taxi us all around to the different locations and churches that Leroy would be preaching at throughout the week.  And the van was nice.  The backseat was basically a couch with thick, padded seats and the windows had curtains over them.  The back of the van even had two small ceiling windows that popped open.  At first I thought this was very cool.  Then I quickly realized that they were the exact opposite.  They were actually VERY hot.  The sun just beat down through them and the popping up of the windows did nothing for air circulation.  So, after a little while, I shut and covered them for us.  Not 30 seconds later, the driver glances back at us, realizes the windows are closed, and uses his fancy button in the front to open up the windows and pop em back open.  We laughed pretty hard at this, and he was absolutely clueless.  I shut them one more time and sure enough, he opened them again!  So finally, we got Leroy to explain to him that he was slowly killing us with the sun, and he agreed to stop opening them.  It was such a hot ride without the sun shining down on us anyway.  At one point I almost went crazy because we were getting no air flow.  But we survived.

So we get to the hotel that Leroy books every time he goes to Uganda, and wouldn't you know that since we were late, they gave our rooms away.  AWESOME.  We then started the hunt for another hotel, which proved to be way harder than I anticipated.  It took us about another hour to find one with two available rooms, and now looking back, it doesn't surprise me at all that this one had so many available rooms.  It was.....interesting.  There was a big bed in each room, so Leroy took one and us girls had the other.  That was an adventure.....three grown girls all in one bed.  I was lucky enough to score the middle of the bed......also awesome.  And the doors to our hotel rooms were very strange.  They were just metal sliding barn door types.  Weird, although they were painted orange which I liked.  But with them being metal, they basically magnified every sound that bounced off of them.  It was on this night that I got the worst night of sleep that I think I have ever gotten.  It was so loud with people talking and the TV down the hallway blaring.  I couldn't fall asleep for a long time, and when I finally did, I would wake up to some random louder noise or from being SOOOO hot in that bed.  Good times :]

The next morning went much better though.  We finally made it to the place I came for....the orphanage.  And although we could only be there for 20 minutes that day, it was AWESOME.  The kids ran beside our vehicle, laughing and yelling until we parked.  And when we opened the door, they crowded right up to it.  I couldn't even get out at first.  So many kids just trying to grab and touch me.  And all of them were saying "HOW ARE YOU?!!"  There are only so many times that I can say I am good or fine in a row (In Africa, the common response to "how are you" is "I am fine").  So we got a very short tour of the orphanage grounds that day while getting the privilege of being escorted by tons of incredible kids.  Immediately, I was right at home with them.  And the only explanation for it is God Himself.  He is so awesome.

We only stayed for a short time because we went to visit Pastor John's church for the first time.  I don't know how we managed to get our big ol' van down the footpath that led to his church, but we did somehow.  It was very eye opening.  Being way back in the fields, the houses and buildings were all made out of mud.  The kids were singing and dancing for us when we got there, and we were shown to our places of honor.  It felt weird to me.  I don't like being treated as if we deserve better than the people we came to see, but its just what they do.  It was a lot of fun though.  After Leroy spoke, they were so happy that they gave us a chicken to take home with us.  We, of course, gave it to Paul to have.  The funniest thing was watching Kaley freak out the whole way home because she is terrified of chickens.

That night, at the hotel, I tried to do some laundry since we still didn't have our suitcases.  Thinking it would only take me a few minutes since it was just a few items to wash, I was expecting to be in bed soon after I started, since I was exhausted.  No, no, no.  It took me FOREVER.  In a story that will come in the next post, I was just very stupid, but finally, I was able to sleep.

Tuesday morning I had devotions for us, basically talking about the importance of getting into the Word.  It was mainly a good reminder topic for myself.  Paul and John were supposed to pick us up at 9, and since we were done with breakfast at 8, we all got our books and started reading out in the yard while we waited.  9 o'clock came and went, which wasn't very shocking.  It was Africa and time doesn't mean a whole lot there.  But when 11 o'clock came and we still hadn't heard from them, annoyance and worry settled in.  Finally, Leroy got a phone call from Pastor John.  He told us that he was really sorry but that he and Paul had spent the night in jail and that they could only be released if we paid for them to get out.  Long story short, basically the police chief of Busia is a money hungry, Muslim lady who somehow found out that they had white people staying with them.  So for made up reasons, they hauled John and Paul into jail so that we would have to "bless the police department" like we were blessing Paul and John.  Money.  The lady was on a power trip.  I was sooo angry with her.  Our whole day was spent trying to get them out of jail.  We ended up only having to wrongfully pay $80 or so to have them released, since she realized she was not going to get any more out of us.  And we had to ALL go down to the station to hear here rant about our safety.  I did not have a good attitude and really did have to ask God for forgiveness over my anger towards her.

Once they were finally released, we brought them and Paul's wife Janet back to our hotel and gave them a meal to eat.  Then the men went to take Leroy to get a shot, and Janet stayed back with us.  We quickly realized that she knew hardly any English.  The awkwardness of sitting there and not really being able to say anything became too much for me, and so I began a local language vocab learning game.  And boy did she teach me words.  She went SO fast and taught me SO many words that I could hardly remember most of them.  And I couldn't get the point across for her to go back over a small amount of words so that I could actually learn them, so she kept adding new words for me to remember.  It was a hilarious time and actually really fun.  We laughed a whole lot at not being able to communicate and my horrible pronunciation of the words.  But I did learn quite a few body parts that night.  And then, when the guys got back, they surprised us with our SUITCASES!!  It was exactly the perfect ending to that crazy draining day.

Wednesday us girls went back to the orphanage while the men went to different churches for Leroy to speak at.  We started painting the girls' dorm rooms.  They hauled everything out of the rooms which were very small, especially with the amount of girls sleeping in each of them.  The rooms were filthy.  I didn't really know how to describe the original color of the rooms, because it was supposed to be white, but it was so filthy that it was more of a brown.  And there were so many kids in the room with us trying to help that it just got chaotic.  Also, Paul's 15 year-old son Moses was appointed to help us paint.  He was super shy with us though and didn't understand much English either.  And his painting skills were CRAZY.  And I'm not talking about crazy good either.  It was......an adventure.  Soon, it was time for lunch, and all the kids helped wash me off at the pump.  All of us girls had at least two kids scrubbing our arms and legs for us.  It made me laugh.

Lunch was prepared for us, and this became the first of many times eating alone.  No matter how hard we tried to communicate that we wanted to eat with the kids, they would stick us in the living room all by ourselves and give us a feast.  No joke.  A feast.  It was delicious, but I felt so bad.  All that they ever eat is posho, which is like tasteless cornmeal mush stuff and beans.  And everyday they would serve us rice, noodles, boiled bananas, regular bananas, pineapple (the most delicious I have ever tasted in my entire life), meat, cabbage, and stuff like that with a few variations depending on the day.  But like I said.  We tried countless times to communicate the fact that we just wanted to eat posho and beans with the kids.  It happened on the very last day, but I will get to that later.

After lunch, we didn't get back to painting.  All we had done was primed the first small room out of the four we were going to do.  Instead, we watched the kids sing and dance together.  Honestly, I don't know how they do it but EVERYONE there has rhythm and can dance.  It's crazy.  I'm so jealous.  And it was so fun watching them.  I couldn't stop smiling.  The kids that weren't doing the group dance were squeezed up beside all of us.  So much joy.  After they had pretty much performed every single song they knew for us, we went outside to play.  The pulled out the jump ropes and frisbees they had and tried to get us to play everything with them.  They are pretty impressive at jumprope acutally.  They tied all of them together to make one long rope and then played games inside of the jump rope.  Most of the girls especially were very good at running in and out of the rope as it was swinging.  After playing with them for awhile, I sat down by some kids and soon had 5 kids braiding my hair at once.  It was nutso, but one of my favorite memories for sure.  They were all laughing and touching my hair.  They think its cool that it is so soft.  And pretty soon, I had 5 interesting braids all over my head.  I am convinced that that is what love looks like.

That night was one of the dirtiest that I felt all trip long.  I was covered in paint splatters and dirt and sweat.  I was downright gross.  I was exhausted mentally and physically, yet I have never felt so satisfied.  If I could live a day like that everyday for the rest of my life, I would be ecstatic.  I feel as though it is what I was created for, and that, my friends, is an indescribable feeling.

Also, that night before bed, we called home, and I was informed of a prayer meeting that my church had for us.  With all the crazy things that had been going on, we felt like we were under attack from the devil.  And when I was told that not only was there a prayer message that went around to everyone, but that they had actually gathered together to pray, I can hardly describe the feeling it gave me.  Love.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and just so proud of my church family.  That is what the body of Christ is supposed to look like.  It was one of the greatest feelings of blessing that I have ever experienced.  So I just want to say thank you to all of you who were praying for us.  Your prayers were felt and heard and made a huge impact on all of us.  When I told Paul and John that churches in America were praying for them, they were blown away and so honored.  So thank you so much.  I can't express it enough.

Thursday was a fabulous day.  We got to the orphanage and set to work on painting, this time with a much more thought out plan for the day.  We were able to clean and prime the second room connected to the first room we had already primed and then finish the gray on top and purple on the bottom of both rooms!  Taping a straight line on the walls proved to be the most difficult challenge since we didn't have a level and there were many opinions flying around, but we got into a groove and got it done.

Also, it rained that day.  And it was the only day that it rained the entire time we were there.  I'm so glad I got to experience the random African rain at least once.  So strong and refreshing.  Sure, it created a muddy mess everywhere, and of course I was soaked, but it was so worth it.  I raced the kids after the rain had stopped through the mud, and we just laughed and laughed.  Also, it was a hysterical sight to see first one naked kid running around in the rain and then right after seeing four more naked kids following him.  A bunch of the girls crowded into one of the tiny rooms we had just finished painting, and we saw this happen from a distance.  We all erupted in laughter.  It was like a movie or something.  Too funny.

One more memorable thing from that day was that it was the first time I participated in dancing with the kids.  If I could pick any talent in the world, I would pick dance.  I LOVE dance.  I am inspired and moved by it.  I wish so badly that I was good at it.  But, alas, I am actually horrible.  But it was still so fun to imitate their moves and sing along with them in as much rhythm as I could muster.  They also loved it and roared with laughter at one move in particular that I murdered.

Friday, we decided to go with Leroy to the village he was going to speak to.  And boy, did we go.  It was the bumpiest ride I have ever experienced in my life.  And it was the furthest destination that Leroy was going to speak at.  Add the heat to the mix and you have for yourself a ride of misery.  Looking back, it cracks me up.  The road we traveled on was HORRIBLE.  But that is life for them.  They don't think anything of it.  And I am glad I got to experience it.  When we reached the destination and sat through the abnormally long service they held, in which they introduce practically the entire congregation there, my bladder was on the verge of explosion.  Finally, we were able to inform Pastor John that we really must get to a bathroom ASAP.  And so, we were escorted to a very far away squattie potty.  It was my first time experiencing one.....Kaley's too I believe.  Very interesting, but something I grew very accustomed to.  Fun stuff.

After another HUGE meal provided to us by the pastor and his wife (the fish and pineapple were out of this world...), we drove to Lake Victoria.  It was beautiful.  Houses on a lake like that in America would be EXTREMELY expensive.  The Lake is huge and we could basically see glimpses of it from every city we had been at in Uganda, but it was very cool to see it right in front of us.  Then, we started back to Busia.  With the heat even more intense and the bumps not getting any smaller, the ride back was maybe even a little worse than the way there.  And Kaley wasn't feeling good, so she was actually miserable by the time we got back.  Again, though, we survived.

Saturday, Kaley stayed behind, we she was still not feeling well.  So Kristyn and I spent the morning/afternoon passing out all the supplies we had brought with us for the kids at the orphanage.  It was quite a process, but well worth it.  We took photos of each of the kids so that Kristyn, who is stepping in as the new Director of Orphan Sponsorship for Greater Living Ministries, could update the website with them.  The kids LOVED all the supplies we brought for the school and the notebooks/health kits that were given to them personally.  They spent the afternoon and evening writing thank you notes to those that had made them a health kit or provided the notebook.  It was so sweet.  And that pretty much sums up that day.

Sunday was church day.  So in other words, it was a very long day.  Church there lasts 4 hours at least.  There is a lot of singing and praying.  By cramming so many people into that tiny church and having hardly any openings for ventilation, it got real hot real quick.  Kaley almost passed out, which isn't surprising, but still.  After church, Leroy decided that we would just go back to the hotel.  We all really needed the rest, especially him, but he spent the rest of the day preaching at two more events.  They kept him busy the entire time, but three sermons in one day is quite the load.

Monday came and we visited Pastor Egessa's church, the man who oversees Alijah Joy, the pregnancy crisis center under Greater Living Ministries.  It was interesting to see all the projects they had for the kids to get involved with.  Also, an interesting part of this trip was the fact that they had 2 different bathrooms.  One for "short and long".  I finally was able to understand what the lady was trying to get me to understand.....

Also that day, back at the hotel, we were given the privilege of meeting the guest that was staying in our room with us.....Marvin the Gecko.  He ate all the bugs for us, but Kaley just couldn't shake the image of that scene in The Parent Trap where the woman has half of a lizard sticking in her mouth.  Yum!  Then, that night for dinner, we told the waitress that we wanted chippati (thick tortilla like thing) and fruit for dinner.  After waiting an hour, we were surprised with receiving spaghetti and avocado instead.  Oh, the joys of language and cultural barriers.

Tuesday was a day full of packing up, as Leroy and Kristyn were leaving, meaning that Kaley and I were moving in to the orphanage.  Leroy and Kristyn left around 9 that morning, which was a sad time, but in the same way good.  They needed to get back, and I am so thankful for the opportunity we had of staying at the orphanage full time.  It was the best and most rewarding experience I have ever had.  The majority of that day was spent getting our hair done.... a 4.5 hour long process.  And, as many of you know, it didn't go the way we had in mind.  The full story on that will come in the next post.  Lemme tell ya....its a treat :]

"Bathing" happened later that night.  What a process.  Using a basin of water that we placed in our squatty stall, I was very unsure of how I was to go about getting clean.  To give you a bit of the scene, the hole of the squatty was probably at most 4 feet away away from the basin of water we were using to clean ourselves.  So the aroma was pretty wonderful, and since it was dark at this point, tons of bats were flying around the outside of the stall.  It was in this moment that the African culture really hit me.  It was definitely something to get used to, but we really did.  We had the art of bathing mastered by the time we left Uganda, although after our first attempt, I don't really think I was any cleaner coming out than I went in.

Wednesday, Kaley and I started painting the last two rooms.  We quickly realized how much faster it was with three people versus two.  It made a huge difference.  It was a very slow and dirty process.  We still had a long way to go by the time we quit that day.  This time the bathing went much better, and I actually felt clean afterwards.  We spent some time painting nails with the nail polish I brought from home.  Unfortunately, none of the girls in school are allowed to have any one or else they will be "caned" aka beaten with a stick.  Not cool.  So Nekesa, Paul's 20 year old daughter who was our closest friend there, and Sarah, his 18 year old daughter, and Mama Janet all had their nails done.  Nail polish was such a treat for them.  Sarah especially loved it.  They used about every color we had and layered up each fingernail.  It was a pleasure to be able to leave all the nail polish there for them to have and use.  Sarah was so happy :]

That night we visited a hospital for the first time with Nekesa.  This is another thing I will share about in my next blog post.  So so sad though.

Thursday, we finished the painting! I don't think I have ever been more excited to be done with a project.  The good roller broke, it took so long, the tape kept being crooked, and we had to do the touching up with our fingers, but we finished.  WOOHOO!  Also, that morning we had a breakfast burrito type of thing, with chippati, egg, and tomato.  It was SO GOOD!  We ended up having it many more times which was awesome.  In the afternoon, I learned SOOOOOOOOOO many words from the kids.  It was so much fun.  They loved that I remembered some from before, and were just so impressed that I cared enough to try.  I still remember those words.  I have them written down as well so that when I go back I can start from where I left off.  I am so excited. I love language learning!

It was also on this day that I went with Paul and Eunice, a 13 year old girl, to the clinic right down the road to look at a tumor that had appeared overnight in her armpit.  It was maybe just a bit bigger than golf ball and made it extremely painful for her to raise her arm at all.  The doctor looked at it and gave her two injections to help shrink it.  This story continues over the next 2 days, but I will write about it in my next blog as well.  It is the most horrifying thing I have ever had to witness in my life.  Makes me so sad.  We are so blessed here in America.

This post is so long, and I apologize.  But really, I guess you don't need to be reading it.  So yeah.....one week to go :]

Friday, I stepped in baby poop.  Yup.  Human feces.  It was gross.  Another kid wiped it off my foot with a stick.  Haha.  Life in Africa.  That is also the day that we started teaching some kids how to use the typing program that Leroy had gotten them through Greater Living Ministries last year.  The programs are great and easy to use.  We were just there to make sure that the kids knew what they were doing and that they weren't cheating by looking at their hands.  I really hope that they have continued typing now that we are gone and are doing it correctly.  Knowing how to type right would help them tremendously in getting a job, as most people do not have the opportunity to learn how to type correctly.  We started out with about 8 kids split up on 3 computers which was really nice.  After one lesson, the kids would rotate.  But by the end of our stay, we had over 20 kids to rotate between the three computers.  It got a little crazy, but I loved it.

That night was also the first night that we experienced Evening Prayers with everyone.  I guess they had stopped since we moved in.  Why, I don't know.  Also, they never had Morning Prayer time while we were there, although the kids said they usually do.  I don't understand that.  But anywho.  Evening Prayers became one of my favorite times with everyone.  We all gathered around the front part of the yard in front of the kitchen, and someone would start singing a song.  Then, using water jugs and sticks, a few kids would begin giving the beat.  Pretty soon everyone was singing and dancing at the top of their lungs.  There was so much joy all around.  After a few different songs, everyone would just disperse into praying.  Most people walked around, praying out loud as they roamed; I usually chose to sit.  It was an awesome sight to behold.  And it was during these times that the Lord just reassured me that His timing was perfect, even if it didn't make any sense to me at all.  He is in control, and He knows best.  The peace that I felt was incredible.

Saturday, we slept in until 730.  Then we had more typing class with the kids.  Like I mentioned, there were a lot more as the days went by, and I was in charge of running two of the three computers, since Kaley's program was a little more advanced.  This also meant that I got all the beginner typers.  It was quite challenging and bit overwhelming at times to keep everything smooth, but at the same time, it made me SO excited when a kid passed his lesson.

Later in the afternoon, Nekesa took Kaley and I to a little market a ways down the street.  It was interesting to see everything.  It was kinda like a huge garage sale put on by a bunch of different people.  There were some cheap trinkets to buy and some fruits, veggies, fish, and baked goods to buy as well.  This is also the spot that a man asked if he could marry Kaley and I.  Gross.

That night was probably the funnest night I had there.  We just really bonded with the older girls.  They came into our room and just started giggling and going crazy on the mattresses.  There was a lot of flipping going on, and Sarah.....not Paul's daughter but a different one.....did a really sweet headstand.  They taught us all sorts of hand clapping games, and we raced all over the yard.  That night I received SOO many hugs, and I loved each one of them.  They also made me play this trust fall game, and of course, there was dancing.  It was just so good to go deeper with them in our relationship, and I knew it would be so hard to leave.

Something I wrote in my journal that night was, "Success is having a distinct dirt hand print on the back of a white shirt from a hug from my girl, Faibe, and a dirt footprint on the front from being accidentally kicked while pushing Sylvia on the swing :]"

Sunday was the worst day.  Again, there was a four hour church service which was normal.  I also had to go up and say a little something to the church.  They love having guests.  But then, we took Eunice to get her tumor removed.  Next post will cover it, but it was horrible.  The rest of the night was just really, really hard for me.

Monday came, and there was laundry to do.  By this point, I was much better at it.  Every morning I helped Nekesa wash our clothes, though she rarely let me help her wash hers.  Also, this was the day that I took my blue hair out.  What a time of relief.  That morning, John came with his wife to take us back to his school for the day.  We got to ride a boda boda, which is a motorcycle taxi :D  It was so much fun!  The day at his school was a lot of fun.  There aren't nearly as many kids as there are at Paul's school, but still a good number of them.  They taught us many new games and loved hearing our English songs.  By the end of the afternoon, though, I was already missing all of Paul's kids.  And it had only been hours since I last saw them.  In 4 days it would be a year before I could see them again.  Leaving is so hard.  It was also at Busitema that I really missed my friends at Canaan Communities.  I've come to realize that those kids will forever be a part of my heart as well.  I'm so thankful for them and the work that my church is able to do there.

That night, there was more typing to be done, and then I spent the night hearing legends told by Eyan.  I love and miss that kid so much.  He has so much joy.  And he is also the best storyteller and vocab teacher.  He helped teach me many more words that night as well.  So good.

Tuesday, Paul and Janet took Kaley and I to Masafu to visit the government funded hospital.  It was much nicer than the other hospitals we had visited and was able to hold many more people.  Even with more space, there were still so many people waiting to get in.

Wednesday was our last day at the orphanage.  It was so sad.  The kids kept asking us to stay longer or wondered when we would be back.  It was so hard for me to have to say that I don't know when I can come back and that I couldn't stay longer right now.  It is still hard not knowing how much time will pass before I can get back to them.  I want them to remember me, and me them.

That day, we got to sit in on the school's weekly assembly, where all the grades come together in one room and do presentations.  Then we all had lunch together.  FINALLY we ate posho and beans, but it was still different because they set up every table from the whole property that they could find so that everyone could sit down together and we wouldn't have to sit on the ground.  We also got WAY more food than the kids did.  This wasn't too bad though, because then we just gave it away to the kids who were finished.  It was really awesome though.  I am so glad we got to do that.  The kids really enjoyed it as well.  The rest of the day was free for them, since it was their last moments with us.  The entire school was singing and dancing for us for over an hour, which was not planned at all.  And then they set up a race, in which even the teachers participated in.  After much begging, I ran one race for them and got my butt kicked.  These people are stinkin fast.  It was just a really fun, laid back day.  That night, I laid under the stars with some of my favorite girls and just laughed and talked and learned.  This is also one of my fondest memories from the trip.  It was so sweet.  And then, a very large number of kids picked me up and carried me back to the room.  It was a long way, but it was so much fun.  I couldn't stop laughing the entire time.  Then they made Kaley go to the spot that I started from, and they carried her too.  They are goofballs, and I miss them so, so much.

The next morning was hard.  We left a bunch of our clothes behind for them and packed up our stuff.  Saying goodbye is always sucky.  I hate it.  Some of the girls started crying.  Sometimes I wish I could just cry like normal people in public.  But I can't.  I wanted to show them how much I was hurting though, too.  They sang my favorite song for us as we left.  I can't wait to go back and hear it again.

We stopped in Jinja on our way out, which is a huge tourist area in Uganda....probably the biggest.  There were so many white people there that it was literally freaking me out.  We had been the only white people in our area for so long.  I don't really know why, but I just didn't like it.  We did get some cool stuff though to take home, and we ate at an Americanized restaurant that had brownies and cake even!  It was a nice treat.  When we arrived at the airport in Entebbe, it was 330 and our plane didn't leave until 1130.  We had to leave so early though so that Paul, John, and Egessa could get back to Busia that night still.  The airport is very small, so they have to have this weird rule of where you can wait.  You are not allowed in the terminal area until 3.5 hours before you are going to leave.  So we waited in the waiting area for 4 hours.  It was so long.  I felt like all we did that whole time was sit.  They did have wifi for us to use though so that was good.  I got a lot of reading and updating done.  FINALLY, we could head into the terminal which was quite a process.  Very slow, but eventually we made it.  Leroy had told us about the lounge that we could pay to use there.  It is made for the business class people to use, but for $30 each, we could use it for 3 hours.  And let me just say that it is probably the best $30 I have ever spent.  We got a HOT, water actually falling down from above, real shower.  We could have all the snacks and drinks that we wanted.  There was a TV and good wifi to use, and even pool to play if we wanted, which we didn't because we were so tired.  But it was just so good and refreshing after a long day of travelling and waiting.  We also knew that it would still be 30 hours or so before we reached Washington DC, so it was just nice to feel good before that all began.

Our plane left on time, and we arrived in Amsterdam a half an hour early, which just meant that we would be waiting there for 10.5 hours to board our plane home.  Hurray.  I didn't sleep at all on the plane to Amsterdam, due to a screeching 3 year old across the aisle, so I slept for a little over an hour during our layover.  We got some good chocolate to bring home, and ate some pizza, and after a long, long time later, we were finally on our way home.  The end of our flight into Washington DC was the scariest I have ever experienced.  The flight attendant had JUST announced to make sure fasten our seatbelts, as we would begin descending shortly, and 20 seconds later, we hit the biggest rough patch.  The guy in front of Kaley did not get around to fastening his belt quick enough, and he literally almost hit his shoulder on the overhead compartment as he flew across the aisle and almost landed on a lady.  We kept falling and then jerking back up for a good 5 minutes.  I was pretty terrified, along with the rest of the plane.  People were freaking out and people were throwing up.  It felt like a rollercoaster that really wasn't safe at all.  But then, we made it out of the cloud that we were in, and the last 10 minutes into Washington was a breeze.  Strangest thing.  So thankful we made it safely.

So yeah.  That's our trip in as much of a nutshell as I can put it.  Just want to thank Leroy and Rhonda yet again for picking us up and taking us into their home with so much grace.  Their hospitality was awesome.  It speaks volumes to what they are all about.  And thanks to everyone who supported our trip.  We had a phenomenal time.  Can't even put it into words.  Uganda, I'll be back.  Thanks for making me fall in love with you.  Stories to come in the next post hopefully.

Africa and all its Awesome: Preview

I know.  I haven't put up the blog yet.  And its dumb and I'm way behind.  It's overwhelming me at the moment.  But I can assure you (whoever you are) that I am working on it.  There is just so much that I don't wanna leave out because its so good for myself to go back and read what God has done in my life.  And these are the memories that I don't wanna miss.  So I hope to have it up and finished soon.  HOPE.  Especially with my second round of REACH underway.  I will need to start blogging about that really soon here too.  So, yeah.  I do wanna just touch on a few things tho that I find myself missing immensely in this very moment just thinking about Uganda.

I miss the night time there.  I miss sitting around, listening to legends and stories told by Eyan.  What a fantastic kid who is in my heart.  I miss laying on the grass, just giggling and talking with 4 crazy girls.  We seriously just laid down in the middle of a game of "Tag" and just looked at the beauty of the sky and moon.  Then they started teaching me random words in their language.  And we just laughed!  My heart longs to go back to the spot right now.  I miss evening prayer time.  I will explain it more in depth later, but basically all the kids just gather in front of the kitchen area and someone starts beating on a water jug and songs begin and its beautiful.  Everyone is dancing and smiling and singing at the top of their lungs.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  I can only imagine what God and Heaven's reaction is :]

I miss the peacefulness of life.  Nothing is hurried over there.  There is no freaking out that goes on typically.  Sure, that is a positive thing and a negative thing at times, but I miss it.  I love the "go with the flow" attitude that culture holds.  I miss pumping water from the well.  I miss red dirt.  I miss bananas served every way you can possibly think of.  I miss sugar cane.  I miss them tugging on my hair.  And I REALLY miss being called a mzungu.

But in all of this missing and wishing to be back, there is hope.  There is hope because I know I will see those kids again some day.  I pray that they are all still around when God allows me to go back to the physically again, but even if they aren't, I know I will see them in Heaven. But, I have joy because I KNOW I will be back in that beautiful orphanage again some day.  I pray that it is soon, but only God knows.  And I'm trusting Him and trying to follow His plan for each of my days until then.  The rest of the adventure should be posted soon.  In the meantime, go make disciples.

Redeemed

Well hello blogging world!  It has been quite a long time.  I realize that about 4 months ago, I had said I was going to continue to blog randomly.  And throughout the past 4 months, I have thought about that fact that I have not blogged randomly.  Sometimes I really wanted to, I just had so much going on that I couldn't fit blogging in for that week.  Other times, I really didn't have any desire to blog.  This lack of desire was due to lots of different things each time.  But all of this meaningless background info is just to say, I haven't blogged in a long time, but I am excited about this post.  So here goes.  :]

Lots of things have happened in the last 4 months, and at the same time, not a whole lot has happened.  How this is possible is really beyond me.  But its true.

This summer was.......weird.  I feel like weird is the perfect word to pick because weird is neither bad or good.  It's just different.  And that is exactly how I felt pretty much the whole summer.

For one, I worked a lot.  This was good because it kept be busy, but most of the time, when I was working, other people were free, and then when I was free, other people were working.  I feel like I didn't hang out with people this summer like I normally would have.  Coming back from being gone for almost a year is a weird enough feeling.  But then, add to that the changed relationships that come from being out of people's lives for so long, and you have yourself a confused, out of place state of mind.  That is where I was a lot of this summer.  I really love being back home.  I do.  But, it definitely hasn't been the easiest thing.

I'm not gonna lie.  There were definitely times when all I wanted to do was move away to somewhere where no one knew me and just start over.  Most people have felt this at some point in their lives.  I just had this feeling a lot more than I ever have before for longer periods at a time.  My reasoning behind this feeling was just selfish.  I was feeling sorry for myself and sick of it being so hard.  All I wanted to do was run away from  the frustration, hurt, and responsibility I have here at home at times.  When I felt lonely, acted like a brat and hurt my family, or got caught up in thinking about the past, I just wanted to leave and start over in a place where I had no expectations for what life should look like.  Is any of this making any sense?

This is making my summer sound awful.  My summer was in no way awful.  I did do fun things with amazing people.  I have the best people in the world in my life.  I am being so serious. If you don't believe me, step in to my life for a week, and I will prove it to you.  But, as a warning, you might leave feeling depressed about your own life.  :]  Ok, so I am probably a little biased.  But for real.  I am so BLESSED.  My life really is filled with wise people who look out for me even when I don't realize I need to be looked out for.  I have people who make me feel special with random things in everyday life.  I have people that I can fight with and yet still know that they are never gonna leave my side because they are that loyal, not because of anything I do.  I don't know.  I am just overwhelmed by a feeling of blessedness.  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love blogging.  It makes me realize things that I know but don't necessarily pay attention to.

- Marti
- PB nights
- Clippers game
- LTG
- 130 am Redbox runs

If you understand any of these references, then you know you are in a memory that came right to my mind when I thought about the summer.  THANKS.

After the summer, school started.  Basically, I got back from Florida and went directly into making sure I have everything I need for college because it started 3 days later.  True to form, I did not have everything I needed for college.  Yay procrastination.  I will never forget my first day of college.  It was awful.  That day was probably the dumbest I have ever felt in my life.  But that's what makes memories, right?

Since that first day, my time has been pretty consumed with school, homework and work.  I have started serving at the Der.  Woot.  So yeah.  I guess in the past almost 2 months of school, my mind has been on school a lot.  Not only does this mean that I haven't been able to hangout with people very much, but I have realized recently just how deep I have fallen back into the American tradition.  And I don't like it.  At all.  You see, when I came back I had a lot of plans.  I was going to get really involved with outreach in Columbus and around home.  I was going to really invest my time in the lives of others and change my world.

The funny thing about plans is that if you don't carry them out, nothing happens.  Shocking, right?  Yeah.  I have been so absorbed by my own little life.  True, school is pretty demanding at times and quite the switch from high school and life in Chile.  And work is necessary to be able to live at this point.  But, I have let these things keep me from doing what needs to be done and what I know deep down I love.  Basically, my added responsibilities have been an excuse that I hide behind.  I don't know why.  I just haven't prioritized the actual IMPORTANT things in my life as important.  But I realize that now.  I'm sick of getting so caught up in this endless fight to be on top.  I'm tired of the empty conversations.  I'm fed up with being so into me and what I am doing that I hurt those around me.  I want to be done.

When I got home, I distinctly remember talking to my dad about cell phones and saying, I don't think I even want a smart phone anymore.  I don't need it.  And now......now I just have to have the new iPhone.  When did this happen?  When did all the things I learned in the last year get switched out for more Americanized thinking?  When did washing the dishes become such a pain again?  When did time start going so fast that there is no place for letter writing?  When did pointless reality shows become so necessary in my week?  And when did Chile leave my everyday thoughts to be replaced by pointless, ridiculous, petty desires of my flesh?

I don't know when exactly, but the why is what really concerns me.  What changed and why?

As I type this, I realize just how much I miss my Chileno family.  If I could see Nacho right now for even just 5 minutes, I would probably cry.  And I am not a cryer.  But I miss my hermanito.....tanto.  My desktop picture is one of Josue and I pretending to be a lion and a tiger in a fort we made out of chairs and blankets.  He is absolutely ADORABLE.  I mean, how have I become so unconcerned with what is happening in his life?

I love them.  And nothing is gonna change that, although it hasn't been easy at times.

Sometimes I wonder why God called us to Chile.  Sometimes I just don't understand it and don't want to understand it.  But deep down, I know that even if I can't see it right now, God had a plan and reason for taking us there.  And as much as I hate to admit it at times, a part of my heart is still in Chile.  Its in the hands of the beautiful people down there.  And to be quite honest, I don't want that part of my heart back.  I want that stolen piece to fuel me, push me, and break me.  It has to flame the passion.

Sometimes life just doesn't go how we envisioned it would go.  Have you ever had a meeting with someone and thought you knew what they were going to tell you, only to find out that it is exactly opposite of what you were expecting?  It can be a shock to your system.  Or sometimes, horrible things can happen out of the blue, and you are just left wondering how in the world you are gonna make it.  And this sucks.

BUT----there is something that has gotten me through whatever sucky situation I have been in.  More like a Someone.  Jesus ALWAYS carries me through.  Even when I don't understand it or even want to understand  it.  Even when I just want to be mad and depressed, He gets me through.  I don't deserve it.  He just loves me.  He loves me because He loves me.  And the same is true for every single person on this earth.  No matter what, Jesus loves you because He loves you.  You can't do ANYTHING to change that.  Its a crazy concept, right?

I don't really know where I am going with this post.  All I know is that I have a lot of things to process from just this past week even.  So I am just sorta spitting out whatever comes to my head that I need to get sorted out.

Friends are the biggest blessing in life.  They are the people, who on your most stressful days drop off a coffee Monster to get you through.  They are the people you have memories with from years gone by and that appreciate those memories just as much as you do.  They are the people who love you in the most selfless ways.  They care. They ask questions.  They make you think.  They push you.  They call you out when you are being a brat.  They love you through all the imperfections.  And they make it known how much you mean to them.  Yup, I got the best ones out there.

I have been put on this earth to glorify my Father.  I have been put on this earth to love others.  I have been put on this earth to grow in knowledge and wisdom and use it to help others.  I have been put on this earth to change my world.

I have not been put on this earth to feel loved and accepted.  I have not been put on this earth to feel important or receive credit for anything.  I have not been put on this earth to feel entitled to anything.

With these concepts in mind, I realize how wrong I have it sometimes.  But now, as I realize how selfish I am at times, I just want to go and love on some kids who have never felt love before.  I don't need to feel the love of others.  I have the Love of the universe backing me up.  What is holding me back?

You guys, this post is all over the place.  It probably makes no sense to anyone besides me.  And that is ok. Sometimes God just needs to get my attention, and this is one way that works pretty well.

He redeems my life.  He loves me.  He saved me.  And IN HIM, I am complete and lack NOTHING.  Worship Him.  Love Him.  Praise Him.  Serve Him.  Share Him.  Be blessed.

Redeemed.  Big Daddy Weave.  Listen.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSyLqbP8Z4I 

All For HIM.

Hey guys.  It's been a little while since I last posted.....as usual :]  I promise things have changed for me since coming back, but procrastinating is NOT one of them, much to my mother's dismay.  So I'm gonna just jump right in this time.  I am in much need of processing my thoughts anyway.

So, things since being back have had their ups and downs.  This past week was very good in my life.  I was very busy, but it was good.  I had the opportunity to help out at a trailer park and get to know some really awesome kids every morning last week.  It was like a mini VBS thing that we did there, and I LOVED it.  It really confirmed and encouraged me.  I have no doubt that I do in fact want to work with kids.  I love it and have a passion for it.  And the devil can not take that away from me.  I won't let him.  So that was just a really great experience.  I am very amped to continue to get involved there and further the relationships with the kids there.  God is opening doors for that, and I am just so excited.

Another thing that has been going on is a lot of work.  This has been keeping me busy and has really helped normalize life here again.  And I really think this is good.  I mean, it gets a little crazy at times, and I definitely need to balance what I do better....what I fill my time with.  But, I am very thankful that I have a job and am able to get hours.  I have a new appreciation for what I do as well.  I view things differently now.  But hold up.  I am in no way trying to say that I am an expert on life now.  Not at all.  I just....I don't know.  I feel like my heart has an increased desire to impact people in the small things in life.  Like, I have more of a purpose at work now than just getting people their donuts.  Are you following?

It's like, my eyes have been opened to the importance of being a testimony in every area of my life.  Like I said, I am no expert at this, but I am beginning to realize how this is possible even in just being friendly and genuine with customers and coworkers.  I definitely fail at times.  There are moments when I just don't feel like caring and just want to be tired.  But I just really enjoy my job a lot more than I used to.  And I know, I am just now getting back into it, and I haven't been there for very long, but I really do feel like this is a change that has been made on my heart.

You know, I just really want to change my world.  I do.  That is what I want to do.  And you know what else.  I bet a lot of people would agree with me and say that they want to change their worlds too.  So then I just gotta ask the question, WHY AREN'T WE DOING IT?!?

I guess what has been on my heart for the past couple of days is why are we content to just live life?  Sure, I say I wanna make a difference.  WHAT DON'T I?  I have so many opportunities all around me.  But I get so wrapped up in MY life with MY comforts and MY wants.  It's time for me to move to action.

I believe the last time I posted, I told you all I am having some difficulty balancing stuff.  And that is still true. It's hard.  I don't really know how to take the things I have learned and that I know are good and apply it to my life and encourage those around me to really get involved as well.  How do you encourage and push for passion without passing judgments?  One part of that I have realized is you do it in LOVE.  Love has to be the thing that backs all of my actions.  And I have failed miserably at this many times, especially with my family.  And I am very sorry about that.

Love is an action, and its a choice.  And I have the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE.  That is something that has been on my mind a lot since reentry at the RIC.  It was mentioned in a session that we have the freedom to choose how we let the stuff that goes on in our lives affect us.  So true.  And very difficult.  But so worth it.

I am a pansy.  My initial reaction a lot of times to hard stuff that happens in my life is......poor me.  PATHETIC.  I mean, buck up, Kirsten!  Your life is so easy.  I have absolutely nothing to complain about.  EVER.

Really, all I wanna do is glorify God.  That is what I wanna do.  But, as hard as I try, I seem to always fall short and mess up.  I hurt people, am too harsh, forget to think before I speak, and just end up doing more harm than help.  And I am finally realizing why.  I CANT DO IT.

I have been trying to do it on my own strength.  And although that works for a little bit sometimes, it without fail always fails in the end.  Yes, without fail always fails.  But I am serious!  That has been my problem, and I am finally realizing that today.

I began writing this post alone at a coffee shop after having a less than pleasant argument with my family in which I frustrated a lot of things.  This really helped me sort some stuff out....I just needed to take a step back and out and figure out what was going on.  Then, later tonight, my mom and I had a much needed and wonderful heart to heart.  I just really love that woman a lot.  She is a wise one and so patient and forgiving with me.  I don't know what I would do without her.

She brought some really good truths to my realization and showed me a different perspective to look at life from.  I just realize how I have been going after this whole "world change" thing all wrong.  I need love.  I need patience.  I need Jesus and His strength.  I am literally worthless without Him.  How is that for a humbling thought?

Like I said earlier.  I wanna glorify God and change my world.  I really do.  So that is what I am going to strive for in everything.  But, I am not going to try it on my own anymore.  You would think I would have learned this already, but I am stubborn.  I have been very challenged though.  And the thing about challenges is they take time and perseverance.  They take some failing and frustration and getting back up and trying again.  Success is difficult to accomplish.  Its a battle and a struggle.  But the refreshing thing is, I don't have to struggle alone.  My God is always with me, holding me when I can't take another step, and pushing me when I just don't feel like it anymore.  He never gives up on me, even when I feel like quitting.  He is FAITHFUL.

So yeah.  I guess that is what I am working on right now.  I am trying to prioritize my life better.  I love my life and the people in it.  Exciting things are happening and change is still happening and coming.  It's scary and thrilling all jumbled together.  And in the midst of everything, God is working here, and He is working in Chile.  He is working in my heart, and He is working in the lives of you all too.

The song of the post is AWESOME.  One of the best songs I have heard.  Powerful words.  Life anthem material.  Let's go do it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93fGOV-AvUI

Home.Mayday

I’m….home.  Yup.  That statement pretty much sums it up, yet doesn’t explain a thing.  And honestly, I have no idea where to even start, or what I am even going to say in this.  All I know is that I need to say something.  So….here goes. 

First off, the song of the post is one of my all time favorite songs.  Mayday by The Icarus Account.  I actually got it sung personally to me by the band once.  Great day.  But the song is basically what I have been feeling all day.  So I hope you enjoy and can be soothed by it too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUvDQmWS9GM

Ok.  Now for stuff.  That is basically the only word I can think of to describe the things going on around me and in me.  Stuff.  But the encouraging thought that I have right now is that I was warned that I would be feeling what I am feeling right now.  During our week re-entry period at the RIC, we had classes and teachings on the “stuff” we would be dealing with and feeling as we try to readjust to our American culture again.  So, I guess in a very strange way, what I am thinking about and feeling is NORMAL, although it feels like the farthest thing from it. 

Today was a hard day for me.  I feel like re-entry has finally slapped me in the face.  Have you ever felt so alone that you only want to be even more alone?  Or too crazy abnormal for anyone to be able to even understand you?  I don’t think I have ever felt so different that I couldn’t even understand myself.  But, that was what it was like today.  And since I cant really even understand it myself, I have no idea why I am even trying to explain it to you all.  Makes no sense to me.  But I feel like there is WAY too much stuff penned up inside of me that needs to come out, and I don’t know another way to do that besides through writing like this. 

One interesting fact to get started is that I have not cried since before leaving Chile.  And, this is just not good.  Part of the dramaticness of this is due to this fact.  I have not been able to express my feelings very much, so now they are just piling up too high I guess.  To help solve this problem, I am typing this as I watch my go to cry movie, My Sister’s Keeper.  I REFUSE to watch it with anyone else.  I can’t.  I just feel like it would be too awkward for everyone involved to have me sitting on the couch corner sobbing while we tried to finish the movie.  So, hopefully this continues to work its “tear magic”, and I can get some of this emotion out of me. 

Also, just so you all can understand me a little bit more, I need to inform you all of some crap that happened.  During our time of re-entry, my team and I found out some really hard, tough stuff.  To protect the security of those involved, I will just say that basically, we found out some stuff that has broken trust with our coordinator.  I can’t go into details, nor do I really want to.  But, I would like to ask you all to pray for E and his family right now.  It’s a heavy situation, and I am pretty worried for my Chileno family.  But God is bigger.  I wholeheartedly believe this, and it is what keeps me hoping.  Also, if you guys could keep my team in your prayers as well, that would be GREATLY appreciated. 

Today got pretty overwhelming for me, and as a way of coping, I took some alone time and went for a walk and a drive.  Yup, I doubled up.  And, it was really good for me.  I love walking.  A lot of people like running, and I think I would and hopefully will, but at the moment, I can handle walking much better.  ANYWHO.  Walking helps me think.  And after I started thinking and walked for quite some distance, I realized I needed to sort through memories and old thoughts.  So I grabbed some old journals, notes, my Bible, and anything else Chileno I could find, hopped in my car, and drove to a special spot where I could sort through some thoughts alone.  And it was VERY helpful. 

Being home is hard.  It really is.  And you know, most of you guys will not understand that.  You will try to see what I am saying, but you just wont be able to comprehend it because you haven’t gone through a time like this.  And it just wont make sense.  I am well aware of that.  But the thing is, its true.  Life at home is hard.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Its good too.  I really enjoy being home and being with my family again.  That is not a lie.  It is GOOD.  But, it’s a lot harder than I ever anticipated before. 

It was almost easier adjusting to life in Chile than it is to readjust back to life in the States.  You see, in Chile we had no idea what to expect.  We just had to go for it and at times be uncomfortable and look stupid.  But we got the hang of it and had some really great times.  But here, I know what to expect.  I know how life here works.  But I don’t know how to insert myself back into it without going back to my old mold.  Is this making any sense? 

There have been times when I am alone that I feel so very alone. And in those times, all I want to do is be alone.  There have been times of sheer frustration with myself for acting the way I do.  There have been times of being a butthead to those I love because I give up and lose control.  There have been times when all I want to do is leave and move to a place where no one knows me and start over.  These are the times that are hard.  These are the times that other people do not understand.  These are the times that even I do not understand. 

SO……the above blogging was written a little over a week ago……

And I have no idea why it took me so long to get around to finishing up this blog.  I just kept putting it off, along with a lot of other things.  Basically, I just haven’t wanted to deal with it, but it has gotten to the point where I have to.  And this is confusing, but necessary, so just bear with me.  I am going to continue from where I left off, but I promise, I have come to some realizations.  Its not all depressing anymore. 

But you know what?  It has not all been bad.  Not even close.  I have had some really great times since coming home.  I have people who genuinely care for sure.  When I think back to the past 2 weeks of being home, some specific “great times” come to mind.  Family time the first full day home with cousins, games, and pizza.  “Limboing” with my best friend.  “Researching” Macs with friends and the other events of that day.  Literally talking all night with 2 silly girls.  You know?  Good times.  And you guys know who you are.  And I just want to thank you for your true, genuine friendship.  Thanks for being there for me.  And for loving me in this awkward time.  I love you all a lot. 

It really has been good to be home.  And I think that will continue.  I just need to figure out how to balance, how to take the changes made in me and apply them to this totally different culture and still be me.  Oh, boy.  That brings up a totally different topic of “who am i?”.  But I think I will save that for another time. 

Basically, I have just needed to get some of this stuff out of me.  And I want you guys to know where I am at.  I want to be REAL.  Fake is just a huge pet peeve of mine.  So here it is, folks.  Here is the reality of what I have been feeling lately.  I’ve been confused, hurt, misunderstood, hurtful, fake, alone, ugly, and out of place.  The world is harsh sometimes.  We were warned it would be hard.  John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in ME you may have peace.  In this world you WILL HAVE TROUBLE.  But take heart!  I have OVERCOME THE WORLD. 

Wow.  Ok.  So that was a really good encouragement/reminder for me this morning.  I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner.  It is helping already.  But anywho.  It says right there that its gonna be hard.  But we have the OVERCOMER of death itself looking out for us!  That is incredible!  And you know, when I  think about it like this, I have had it easy.  Yes, re-entry is hard.  It’s difficult, and I gotta work to keep what I have gained through this experience.  I have to be diligent and deal with being uncomfortable in my “comfort zone”.  But I have a good life, family, support, and home.  I am BLESSED.  And I will testify to that. 

This is probably the worst written blog I have ever written, and for that I am sorry.  I don’t really even know why I am writing it anymore.  Although, it definitely has helped me process.  I am so stinking blessed.  Now what am I going to do about that?  Sit back and soak in all my blessings?  Or am I gonna move and bless others with those blessings? 

I am a brat at times.  And I don’t think those times are over.  I also don’t think this hard stuff with re-entry is over yet either.  I think there are going to be more low points coming where I am confused and lonely as ever.  But I also believe that there are going to be more great times to come.  And I am going to chase those times. 

I want to seek beauty.  I mentioned earlier that I was reading through old journals and stuff from Chile last week sometime.  And I came across some stuff in my journal that was really good for me to read.  So I think I am going to share a little with you guys.  Some stuff I read brought back some really hard times for me personally over there.  But through those times, I grew a lot, and it was so good for me to go back and see where I have come from.  Anywho.  Let me just share a little with you guys on this. 

Also, as a disclaimer, this is kinda weird for me.  But I feel like it’s a good step in the right direction for getting out of my comfort zone and being real.  So, judge me if you want.  This is what I was thinking about on outreach at some point, and there is truth in it.  Take what you can from it and leave the rest.   

“Beauty is ONLY found through the Father.  And there is beauty that can be found in EVERYTHING He created.  Especially humans.  I can learn something from every single human.  And when I become annoyed and can only see the obnoxious traits in a person, I need to remember that I am annoyed/mad at the sin, not the person.  That, or it is ME that is sinning.  And when I am annoyed, I need to seek to understand and see the beauty inside of them.  There is something beautiful in EVERYONE.

In talking about beauty, I want to be beautiful.  Beauty is important to all girls I think.  But I realize that so often I chase after outward beauty.  I find myself thinking that people will like me if I cover up my zits and straighten my hair.  HOW SHALLOW!  And how often to do I judge other people wrongly by their outward appearance?  Some of the lamest, meanest girls are the prettiest.  Not all, but I am just saying.  Why don’t I get the inside of me cleaned out and beautiful.  That is REALL beauty.  When someone is sweet and kind and genuine, people are drawn to them.  They want to hang out with them and get what they have.  People like to be with people who tell them the truth in love, who encourage them, and listen to them.  People love the Jesus in each other.  I need more beauty on the inside, but I need to clean out the ugly so that the beauty can grow.  When there is beauty on the inside, that is when true beauty can shine to the outside. 

God wants my heart, Each day, each moment, He wants my desires and dreams.  He wants my worries and doubts.  He wants my thoughts.  He wants my everything that is stored up inside of my heart.  And He wants me to daily hand it over to Him.  That way, He can clean it out, little by little, and fill it with Himself.  He fills in the old ugly spots with parts of Himself!  And He shapes and molds it to just the right shape.  And as He holds my heart, He speaks to it and shows me which way to go.  If I just let Him have my everything, He becomes my Everything.”