Sermon blog! Here With Me

Hey guys!  Ok, so last time I said I was going to share my sermon with you all.  So I have my written out sermon here following.  But, I just want you to know that I didn’t actually read this off.  I made an outline from it and just “wung” it, as I normally do.  And I just want to tell you all now, your prayers for me were truly felt.  Honestly, I had such a peace the week leading up to preaching and trying to figure out what I should be preaching on.  And that morning, I was hardly nervous.  Like, I just honestly had such peace.  And I know that it was because I had so many people back home praying for me and also, God was just directing my words and giving me strength in that.  but thank you all so much for your support!  It is incredible.  And I guess I should tell you.  I finished my notes at 130 that morning……yup.  Don’t worry, Mom.  It’s the same procrastinating Kirsten :]

Before I get to the sermon notes, I will give you all a little update.  My next blog will be more about what we have done here in the last little while.  But for this time, I am running out of time and will just give a brief overview. 

First off, our puppies are walking!  Yay!  They both have eyes and are toddling around.  Piggie is a ton bigger than Petey, and its making Petey be able to walk so much quicker.  Lol Piggie needs to exercise,  but she hardly can.  Its just so funny.  But they are finally in their cute stage!  I am so glad we got to see them like this before we left.  Also, hey Mom and Dad.  Do you want another puppy?  Because I am gonna sneak em in my suitcase :]

Another thing.  Monday…..2 days ago, Rebekah left us.  It has been good having her with us, and I am so glad that we had the opportunity to hang out with her more, but she was ready to move on with her travels and decided to head over to stay at Travis and Bekii’s house for a little bit.  So, we are gonna keep up with her through facebook and things and keep praying for her.  I think its for the best.  This gives us time as a team to really focus here and finish out strong.  And we can still keep up with her well later.  So yeah.  God is working everything out. 

So last week, we took our last trip to the big island of Chiloe.  Half of the group left on Tuesday morning to go to Quellon, where they visited the man with terminal cancer again.  They said they had a really good visit with him, so that was awesome.  The rest of us left on Wednesday morning and met them in Quempchi, where we hung out with Travis and Bekii, some missionaries with EMM.  That was really fun.  We got to see some people that they have Bible studies with and things.  Also, we went to their friend’s house to watch a Chile vs. Peru game.  I went along to see Alexi Sanchez :D  unfortunately, he wasn’t even playing this game because it wasn’t an important game.  So that was a bit depressing.  I ended up falling asleep on the table by the end.  haha.  But yeah.  It was fun hanging with Travis and Bekii for a little.  Then, Thursday afternoon-Sunday morning, we were in Montemar again, for the last time.  I got to stay with my old host family again!  I just love that couple.  They are so sweet and funny.  So it was really good to be able to hang out with them again and see them one last time.  When we had to say goodbye, it was just sweet.  Hard, but good.  They are just such sweet people.  I am praying for them and will always remember their hospitality. 

On Saturday then, most of us left to go back to Quempchi to help Travis and Bekii with their kids program and youth group.  Both of those things were so fun!  They kids were great and had such enthusiasm.  It gave me a lot of good ideas of things I can do with kids, here and back in the states.  And then the youth group was a lot of fun too.  E gave the message which was really good, then we taught the kids how to play Signs.  I just love that game.  So we just had a really good time with them.  Also, Bekii gave us some Puppy Chow.  I was SO EXCITED!  While we were doing this, Clay and Beth were back in Montemar finishing up their mural thingy for the wall of the church.  It turned out really good!  Very proud of them! 

Then on Sunday, I preached at our church.  Ha.  It went really well.  and I just am giving God all the glory for it.  So yeah.  Also, take note, that there was a little illustration thrown into this.  I just don’t know how to explain what I did with the bags and prize, so yeah.  I guess that note didn’t help you guys at all!  Lol so sorry.  So here it is.  Starting……now :]

This morning, I am going to be talking on discipleship, faith, and surrender.  Before I begin though, I just want to say that I feel pretty intimidated with trying to preach on this topic.  I don’t feel very qualified to do so.  This whole adventure of joining REACH and coming to Chile has been a journey of faith and learning how to surrender.  I have so much to learn when it comes to this stuff.  I am in no way an expert at them at all. 

You see, I have been a believer in Christ my whole life.  I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was really little, I attended church and a Christian school my entire life, and all of my friends and family were Christians.  I have had GREAT influences surround me and have always been very supported in all I do by my parents.  I have had a very blessed life.  But a thought just hit me in the past week, and the understanding has really struck me hard.  I have been a believer my entire life, but until this past year, I haven’t been living as a disciple.  And until this past year, I didn’t even know there was a difference between them.  But now, I realize there is a HUGE difference. 

The definition of a believer is someone who has confidence in the truth or existence of something without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.  According to the definition, one can just hold this thought and not do anything else and still be a believer.  Do you understand what I am saying?  There is no action that needs to follow, just the act of believing. 

But discipleship is different.  The definition of a disciple is a person who is a pupil or an adherent of the doctrines of another; a follower.  The action of discipling is to teach or train.  Therefore, one who is a disciple must be being taught and training under the authority of another.  There is an action that follows the belief.  And that is what has been missing in my life for so long.  Until I decided to come to REACH and do this, I never pushed myself to dig deeper into the Word, to reach out to others, or to even talk about my faith with others.  I was a stale believer who was happy to just love Jesus and go nowhere with it. 

I think it’s easy to be a born again believer.  I mean, you confess your sins to God, ask for forgiveness, accept Him into your life, and know that He is the Lord.  When you do this, you become part of the family of God.  This is so exciting, right?  Of course!  But being a disciple is something so much more than that.  A disciple is someone who digs into truth, who has a desire to learn and grow, who moves to action, and who seeks the face of God with everything in him! 

It starts with faith.  In order to believe, we must have faith in something.  You need to trust the person who is trying to guide you, or else you are not going to go anywhere.  Hebrews 11 is a very powerful chapter and one of my favorites.  Verse 1 says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  Faith is the necessity behind believing.  Nothing can prove what we have faith in.  But as Christians, we have the Creator of the world to put our faith in!  To me, faith is undoubtedly trusting that God is Who He says He is and depending fully on Him.  Last week was Easter, the time we remember what God gave up for us.  He gave us EVERYTHING when we deserve NOTHING.  So why is it so hard for us to give Him our EVERYTHING, when that is exactly what He did for us? 

Being a believer, we have faith.  But to be a disciple is to step out in that faith!  What good is faith if it doesn’t have actions to back it up?  There is no point!  James 2:14-17 makes this pretty clear.  It reads, “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such faith save him?  Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”   This is so true.  Unless someone actually demonstrates that they have love for you, do you believe them?  If I were to tell Jean everyday that I love her, but then I do nothing loving toward her, is she going to believe me?  No!  In the same way, unless we actually demonstrate our faith, no one is going to believe we have any. 

So where do we go with faith?  I think that the first step is surrendering.  As disciples of Christ, we realize that we owe Him everything.  So in return, we must give Him back OUR everything. 

A disciple is someone who follows Christ with their life.  He follows the example that Jesus gave as He lived on the earth.  And he follows that example even though he knows it means that he has to change the life he is living presently.  Matthew 4:18-22 says, “As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew.  They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.  ‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.’  AT ONCE they left their nets and followed him.  Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John.  They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets.  Jesus called them, and IMMEDIATELY they left the boat and their father and followed him.” 

The disciples didn’t think twice about following Jesus, but instead left IMMEDIATELY.  They left their jobs, their families, and their futures and followed Him without looking back.  INCREDIBLE!  Luke 14:26-27 says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters---yes, even his own life---he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”  If that doesn’t say it clearly enough, I don’t know what does.  Jesus just set the standard with this one.  Unless He is above everything else in our lives, we cannot be his disciples.  So lets give it all up, into His hands!

This is a lot easier said than done.  And until very recently, I wasn’t about to let it all go.  About 3 weeks ago, I came to a point of needing to decide if I really trusted God enough to know what was best with my life.  You see, I have been planning to go to college after this the whole time.  Its what I want to do, and I have been assuming this whole time that this is what God wants to.  So one morning, I was praying and asking God which university He wanted me to go to, and He asked me, “Since when did I tell you to go to college?” Tthis was a very hard question for me.  In asking this, He wasn’t necessarily telling me that I wasn’t supposed to go to college, but He was pointing out that I have been selfish in my plans and that I had not truly given Him every part of my life. 

Coming to Chile and living here hasn’t been super easy.  We have all had to give up a lot of things and trust God to provide for us.  Its hard being away from my family and friends in Ohio, and I have been in many situations here where I am out of my comfort zone.  But it has been great!  I have learned SO much since coming here.  God has been working inside of me and showing me His character through the lives of all of you.  I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.  This time here has shown me that when I give up control of my life to Christ and trust Him, He does something better than I could have imagined.  Sometimes its hard and the growing hurts, but in the end, its all worth it!

So, when God pointed out to me that I still hadn’t given Him control of my future, I knew what I needed to do.  My heart knew that God knows what is best for me, but at the time, my brain didn’t want to agree.  Giving up control and surrendering is hard and sometimes appears to be very stupid, but in the end, its so much better than anything we could have done on our own.  Mark 14:3-9 is a great example of how giving God everything we have is sometimes looked on as ridiculous, but it’s the best thing we can do.  It says, “While He was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard.  She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.  Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, ‘Why this waste of perfume?  It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.’  And they rebuked her harshly.  ‘Leave her alone,’ said Jesus.  ‘Why are you bothering her?  She has done a BEAUTIFUL THING to me.  The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want.  But you will not always have me.  SHE DID WHAT SHE COULD.  She poured perfumed on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial.  I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.’”

This woman did ALL SHE COULD DO.  She brought to Jesus what she had to offer and literally gave it all up.  She was looked down for it by others, because it appeared to be a waste of everything she had.  But Jesus said that it was a BEAUTIFUL THING.  And she would be remembered for it throughout the world.  What an honor!  This was no waste at all!  And it has been a great lesson for me.

So finally, I just had to give it up.  I told God that I would do whatever He led me to, all He has to do is reveal it to me.  Now, I still know what I want, but if God leads me to something different, I am prepared to say, “Yes, Lord.  I will go.”  And that is what surrendering is.  Its stepping out in faith and following His way and plan, fully expecting God to do what He has promised, no matter what. 

In a book I was reading, a quote really stuck out to me.  The author was referring to his life, and he said to God, “I know that there’s not much here to work with.  But please, take it, break it, multiply it, and feed the hungry.  And whether by pain or by comfort, whether by sorrow or by joy, whether by life or by my death, glorify Thy name in all the earth!”  That mentality, that act, and that dedication is what discipleship is all about.  Its the giving of our whole beings to the Creator of the universe and letting Him do with it what He would have. 

To close, I would like for everyone to turn to Hebrews 11 again, this time to verses 32-38.  “And what more shall I say?  I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who become powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.  Women received back their dead, raised to life again.  Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.  Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.  They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword.  They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated---the world was not worthy of them.  They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.”  This is crazy!  These people had such great faith, that at no matter what cost, no matter how much it hurt, and no matter if they had to give their lives, they were faithful to Christ.  They surrendered EVERYTHING!  And you know what?  THE WORLD WAS NOT WORTHY OF THEM!  If ever there was an honorable compliment, it would be this: to have Jesus say to you, “Well done, Son.  The world was not worthy of you!” 

I read in the same book as I had mentioned before, that to live for truth, you must first decide you are willing to die for truth.  Truth is a Person.  Truth is Jesus Christ.  And if we are truly going to live for Jesus, then we must first decide that we are willing to die for Jesus.  If we can say honestly that we are ready for this, then we are on the path to true discipleship.  Because that is what it is all about.  Its about faith, surrender, and following His way.

Ok.  Note.  End of sermon.  So yeah.  That is what God has been putting on my heart and what I thought I should share.  I would really appreciate your guys’ continued prayers as I am still trying to figure out what God has for me.  I have a lot of decisions to make before May 1^st.  So I am really trying to seek His will, face, and voice this week. 

Also, one last thing before I end this.  The song of the post.  This week, I have decided that Here With Me by Everyday Sunday is going to be featured.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWUoimHmRc4  I LOVE it.  So much.  Just such a great song!  This is what I want my life to scream.  “And I will follow You forever, even if I’m standing in the fire!”  let’s do it, people.  God bless and enjoy!  

Easter Thoughts and Updates

Happy Easter everyone!  WOW!  The time has FLOWN by.  Its crazy!  I can’t believe that it has been two weeks since my last post, or that we only have 40 days left here…….INSANE!  Less than 6 weeks…..WHAT?!  Really, it is boggling my mind. 

So, I don’t feel like too much has happened here since I last posted, but at the same time, I know there is a lot to update on.  That doesn’t make much sense I am sure, but I am happy to report that this blog post wont be NEARLY as long as the previous one.  Sorry guys.  That was MASSIVE.  I will never do that again, I promise. 

But ok.  Here we go.  Update number one.  Hopey and her puppies!  They are all surviving!  YAY!  Also, the names we gave them in the beginning have stuck.  We have Petey (Patrick Douglas) and Piggie, but the thing is….they are both girls we figured out.  Kinda funny.  Also, they are like 3 weeks old!  So, they are leaving the rat stage and heading straight for the cute stage.  I am SO EXCITED!  Sometimes we bring them into our house and cuddle with them.  Beth likes this a lot.  Its very entertaining to hear their little barks and see them twitch while they dream.  I have concluded that on a stressful day, the life of a puppy would be grand.  But on a normal day, I would be bored out of my mind.  All they do is sleep, eat, poop, and be cute.  Not much living going on yet.  But I still like em a lot :]

Update number two.  Roberto and his family.  So yeah.  You guys remember that long time ago when Roberto, E and Maria first left for Santiago?  Yeah, we haven’t seen Roberto since then.  Kinda been crazy actually.  We all agreed that we miss him, but we know we will have hardly any time to be with him before we leave.  Its very sad.  Basically, Anita and Mirian (3 year old) came back like 3 weeks ago or something.  Then the rest of her kids came back like a week after her.  They had a lot of catching up to do with school and things, but I think they are pretty much good now.  So yeah.  Its been very interesting.  I am not sure why Roberto is still in Santiago.  I know he feels like he needs to care for his parents and stuff there, but as far as I know, the kids are living with their dad, who is NOT actually mentally crazy, just not super fit to take care of his kids alone right now.  Anita would love to take them into her home, but they just cant do it.  They have 3 kids of their own, and a house that is not big enough for all of them as it is.  So yeah.  I believe Roberto is coming back like……nowish.  He should either be back now or coming back early this week. 

The thing that is really hard in all of this now is that while he has been gone, Roberto hasn’t been working.  He is a taxi driver, and without his income, the family is struggling.  Sometimes, I just don’t understand.  I cant see the big picture in situations, and it just looks helpless to me.  But the encouraging thing through all of this has been seeing Anita’s attitude through it all.  She has so much JOY.  That is definitely the word to describe Anita.  She is constantly being known by others as “the one who is always smiling and laughing”.  Its AWESOME!  Such a light for Jesus!  The lady is so friendly.  I just love her.  And although she doesn’t agree with Roberto staying in Santiago so long, she is just trusting God to provide for their needs here.  Its been awesome to see her dependability on God.  Such an inspiration. 

So that was kinda a weird update, since I don’t really know what is going on with all of that.  But its all I can do right now.  So moving on to update number 3.  Rebekah.  She has been here for 2 weeks.  How crazy is that?!  She can’t even believe it actually.  God has been working on her, and it has been a privilege and honor to see what is happening in her mind and heart.  She has such a desire to learn and grow.  Whenever we talk about the Bible together, she has SO many questions, and its really great!  She wants to know how everything fits together and why things happened so that she can go back and be a light for others back home.  She has so many influences right now telling her to move on and make the most of her traveling time.  And she is really confused with what God’s will for her is at this point.  She is unsure of if she should stay or just go or even where to go. 

Also, another thing that has been really hard for her is that her music teacher, a lady she REALLY respects, is like, totally anti-Christian.  But first, a little background for you.  So Rebekah is a singer.  And I mean, she can sing.  She has been in plays and has sang in the big opera house in Australia even.  She has a 20’s swing voice.  Basically, she got some old school skill going on in her vocal cords.  And it sounds BEAUTIFUL.  When we sing worship songs together, she just takes it away with her talent.  It truly is a gift of hers.  Also, she loves Michael Buble (YAY!  Shout out to my awesome cousin Jewel for introducing me to him and enduring my teasing before I saw the light :p) and that is kinda the style she sings.  So if you know him, you can kinda understand what I was trying to describe before.  But anywho.  One of her singing teachers is a 70 something year old lady named Janice.  Rebekah loves her to pieces.  Janice has trained singers who are now professionals all over the world.  Its crazy!  But she has a lot of dislike for the Bible and God.  And, since she is very intelligent and has had a lot of time to “figure things out”, she knows her stuff.  She has arguments and rebuttals for everything.  And she is a very persuasive woman. 

So here Rebekah is, learning about Jesus from a guy who knows SO MUCH about history and the Bible, while getting emails from Janice, filling her head with lies and doubts.  And she is confused.  She knows that God is real and powerful, but she doesn’t know how to show and convince Janice of this.  And she loves Janice a lot.  Janice has been there for her when other people haven’t.  and its just really HARD.  So I am asking that you guys keep Rebekah in your prayers.  The situation is confusing.  She doesn’t know what she should do or when or where she should go.  It seems like everyone has an opinion and she doesn’t know which way God is trying to lead her.  So please pray for clarity for her, for wisdom as she learns more about Jesus and the Bible, for protection over her heart and soul, and for strength to fight against the attacks of Satan during this time and stick close to Jesus through it all.  I will continue to update you guys, but right now, that is all I got. 

So yeah.  Its Easter.  YAY GOD!  An awesome day of remembrance of the power of God and His miracles and perfect plan.  He redeemed us!  He SAVED us.  Its too incredible for my brain to fully understand.  He knew we would mess up.  He knew He would have to send His Son to die for us.  But He still wanted us!  He made us, even after knowing that!  and His perfect Son came and saved us all.  He willingly died for us, a totally undeserving world of people.  What greater love is there than that??  NONE. 

But, E has a pretty interesting thought on Easter that I really think is important for us to remember.  I like it a lot.  He said, yes, Easter is a nice time to remember what God did for us.  Its incredible.  But, Jesus lives every day.  And isn’t that so true!  I mean, we need to remember and thank God for His perfect plan and sacrifice for us, but Jesus is living EVERY SINGLE DAY!  The resurrection is a miracle and a pivotal point in what we believe, but we should be thanking Him for what He did EVERY DAY.  So although Easter is special, we should make other days more special and significant.  We need to be living with the Easter attitude EVERY day.  Not just once a year when it rolls around. 

With that in mind, I think I will share the song of the post.  The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe is the selection this time.  And this brings me to another shout out to Megan.  Thanks so much for sharing it with me!  Great song.  So peaceful and assuring.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_1YliutzA

Now I am not really sure where to go with this.  But I think I will tell you guys in very few words what has happened in the past week, and then what the plan is for the rest of our time here.  I am going to keep it short though, so no worries. 

So on Monday, it was Beth’s birthday!  Yay!  We had oatmeal pancakes in the morning and the night before, we made delicious brownies and had ice cream.  I love birthdays :]  and I really love Beth, so it was just great :]  we played a Walmart game and then got some stuff from McDonald’s to eat.  It was a good life group and hopefully a good birthday for her. 

Then on Tuesday, we left for Calbuco.  Its about 2 hours from our house, a little over an hour from Puerto Montt.  So not a far trip.  We went to help a family rebuild their burnt down house.  This family has 4 kids, all under the age of 10, and the parents are like 25.  They are living in a TEENY house right now.  Its crazy.  Its like half of a trailer.  For 6 people!  So we helped to put up plywood and tin siding stuff on a lot of the walls.  The house still has a lot of work to go, but its coming and it will be SO much nicer than their original house even.  While we were doing that, we stayed with the family across the street, friends of E’s that we sort of stayed with before.  Their names are Ronny and Andrea.  Such a hospitable couple!  Seriously.  They were SUCH a blessing to us.  They house missionary teams regularly, so they have like two rooms just for guests with lots of mattresses and bunk beds.  And we had DELICIOUS meals.  Completos, home made french-fries, noodley goodness, and all sorts of good stuff.  Since I am not a carpenter of any sort, I helped mostly in the house making meals.  But, as you all know, I am not a chef of any sort either.  Its seriously awful.  But, I tried.  I peeled about a gajillion potatoes between the two days we were there.  But, I DIDN’T CUT MYSELF AT ALL!  It was so exciting :D 

So yeah.  We came back from there on Wednesday night and I got to skype my family :]  I just love those people.  A lot.  And I can’t wait to see them in person very soon.  And it was good to talk with them about the future and their lives right now.  Just so so good. 

On Thursday, we were just in Alerce.  I was given some time alone to just try and work on my sermon.  That was really good, but I had no idea what God wanted me to speak on then.  So I read through Romans, and that was really good.  But it didn’t really help me with my sermon, which I have to give in exactly a week.  So I decided that my next blog post will include my sermon notes, since I think I know what I will be speaking on now.  And I think I will be explaining a lot of what has been going on in my mind recently, concerning things of the future and such.  But you guys can keep me in your prayers.  True to form, I have procrastinated, but not all of that is my fault.  I think I work better with the “I HAVE to get this done NOW” mentality tho.  So it’s all good.  But if you guys could just pray that I would be open to the Spirit’s leading and that I would speak only the words He gives me. 

Friday, we went to a town like 2 hours away again.  We were visiting the family of Coti, a lady from our church.  It was such a good visit!  She has an awesome family.  And, we saw her dad and sister come to accept Jesus in their hearts!  It was so GREAT.  And E is going to be doing a Bible study with them once a month, like all day.  It was just so exciting, because they were really awesome people, and to know that they now have Jesus in their hearts is INCREDIBLE!  So yeah.  It was just a really good visit. 

Then yesterday, we just worked at the house all day.  We finished putting on the siding and E put up a lot of tile in his bathroom.  It feels good to be able to help them do stuff, but I don’t have much skill to offer with house projects.  So I did a pretty good job at running the level between E and Jeff, but other than that……I did nothing.  Lol.  But yeah.  It was good to then just chill with the family, talking and laughing and showing off brain teaser tricks.  Good times.  I am going to miss them a lot. 

This next week looks like this.  Monday, we have our free day to get stuff done and things.  Then Tuesday until Saturday, we will be in Chiloe again.  We will be with my host family again, and Beth and Clay will be painting a little mural on the church wall.  I am really excited to go back there and tell them bye.  Well, I am not excited to say goodbye, just to see them again :]  And then, Beth and I will for sure be coming back on Saturday, because on Sunday, I will be preaching to our church here in Alerce.  Eeeeeek!!  I am not really nervous yet, but, I still haven’t like written out anything for material.  I think I know the topic I will be speaking on, but I also know that God has the ability to change my mind on that in a matter of like 3 seconds the morning of.  But as of right now, I am working on it.  So that’s a good step. 

The rest of our time here looks something like this.  After next week, we have a week to chill here and then we are probably going to this place called Porcelana.  It’s a tiny island that is really cold with penguins and hot springs :]  I don’t know what we will be doing exactly, but that is the tentative plan as of right now.  Then the beginning of May we will be going back to the island of Tabon for like 3 days to cut a tree up for the family to use as firewood.  And then…….in like 2 weeks, we will be on our way back to the States.  CRAZY!  I had a little bit of a freak out moment today over how soon we are leaving.  I need to soak up every opportunity I have with these people.  Which reminds me….tomorrow we are going to go see The Hunger Games with most of the team and Nacho and Leo!  Pretty excited :]  like I am experiencing a little bit of normal technology again.  Weird, but exciting.  Anywho.  That was just a random and pointless fact that no one needed to know. 

Ok, so I am going to wrap this up and end with a little thought.  Like I said, next week I will be posting my sermony thoughts and it will probably be filled with a lot more personal thoughts and things as well.  But if you guys could just pray for me right now.  I have just had my future picking options confused a bit more this weekend.  And I just don’t know what to think right now.  I just wanna know what God wants me to do, and I will do it.  But some of my options that have opened up are exactly what I told God I did not want to do.  So, I am kinda in a frustrated stage right now, not wanting to accept the fact that this situation might be what God has in store for me.  So yeah.  Thank you all so much for all of your support and encouragement.  I know I always say that, but seriously.  Especially in the past week, your encouragement has been incredible.  Thanks for all of your personal encouragement to me.  I love you all a lot.  And I will be updating you more soon.  Keep looking up.  And remember, you may not know what the future holds, but you know Who holds the future.  Love you and God bless!  

LET. IT. GO.

Hey guys!  So guess what.  I am catching up!  And I am so excited.  I am so sick of being stressed out from being behind on things.  Emails right now are just taking a long time to reply to, and I REALLY apologize for that.  I am so sorry.  But I plan to do some more catching up in the next few days if it is at all possible.  But yeah.  I will tell you more about my stress in a little bit.  But first, let’s get caught up, shall we?

Oh, and just another little tidbit.  While you read this, pretend it is me speaking to you in an Australian accent…..or British, since I am not so good at the Australian.  And again.  I will explain to you my reasoning for this in a little bit.  But even if you don’t know why, it would still be fun, right?  Right. 

Also, let me warn you.  This post is the longest one yet.  It is filled with some detail of what we have been doing, but a lot of what is inside this post is actually things that I personally have been thinking about and dealing with.  It is my thoughts, and actually, it is a glimpse at my heart.  So, if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing….don’t.  haha.  I am sorry it is so long, but I just felt like I had to say this stuff.  I had to sort through it.  I had to share. 

Ok.  So where did I leave off?  I think that I ended with E coming back that next Friday after he had been gone basically a week on a bunch of random trips.  So that is where I will begin.  That weekend, it was a pretty normal weekend I believe.  I can’t really remember what we did.  I do know that Clay preached that Sunday, so that was cool.  And, we couldn’t find a translator for him, so he had to basically read what he had written in Spanish.  I am so glad that wasn’t me.  Reading in Spanish is hard.  Lol I am not very confident in my pronunciation skills. 

While Clay was preaching, Jeano and I took care of the kids at E’s house.  This is the first time we did it solo.  Usually one of us is with Juanita or Anita.  So that was kind of cool.  I mean, we didn’t do anything spectacular, but now we know that we can keep a Spanish Sunday School class at least a little occupied.  Interacting with kids is SO much easier in a language you actually know.  That has actually been kind of a challenge for me here.  I feel like I have not been able to connect with kids as good as I used to at home.  And to be honest, sometimes it is really hard.  That is something I am usually good at and comes easily to me.  I love kids.  But here, there are always other people with me, and I just can’t seem to connect like I used to be able to.  But, it’s ok.  I am learning a lot about just playing the background in this area.  I don’t have to be the one that the kids jump to hug.  I just have to love and serve, even if that means I don’t always feel loved back.  Does that make any sense?  I didn’t intend for this Sunday school info to go this way, but it seems that my brain has taken it over here.  And I think it is a good lesson.  So often, I find myself loving people and serving people who love me back.  You know?  I love being caring and making people feel special when they do the same to me.  I mean, duh.  Who doesn’t?  It’s easy to love those kinds of people.  But when you aren’t feeling very loved back, I allow myself to just kind of stop loving that person as well.  I mean, I don’t hate them, but I stop being personal and trying with them sort of.  You get me?  Basically, something I am really learning from not being the “fun tia” is that no matter what, I love these kids.  And I need to show them how much I care about them, no matter if they show it back to me.  And that goes for any person, not just kids.  Just something I realized from writing this.  Funny how spilling your thoughts can show you stuff to learn about as well :]

On Tuesday morning, the 5 of us and E left for the island of Tabon.  The purpose of this trip was to help with the church building that they were doing.  Now, this was a new island for us, and we came to find out that this church we were going to was the only Evangelical church on the island.  So it wasn’t a huge island, but bigger than Tenglo where we go quite often.  So we left around 9 or so to catch a bus to Calbuco.  Calbuco is only like an hour from Puerto Montt.  We made it there with no problems, which was really good.  Actually, now that I am remembering, that morning I did not feel very good at all.  And this has seemed to be a theme for our team for the past month or so.  Stomach aches and feeling like throwing up has happened to all of us quite a bit recently.  So while we were catching the next bus, Jeff and Jean just prayed for me and prayed against the attacks of Satan on our bodies.  I truly believe that that is what a lot of this sickness has been.  Every time we get sick, it takes our eyes off of what God is doing around us and puts it on ourselves.  And it has happened so much recently.  So we just all really prayed against it, and I know some of you have also been praying for us.  So thank you so much for that.  In the past week, none of us have been sick at all, and it has been such a blessing.  I felt a lot better after we got off that bus, and I had no more problems the rest of the day or trip. 

So, we got to Calbuco, and we went to visit some friends of E’s there.  It was a really good visit.  They were so hospitable to us.  We stayed there for about 4 hours or so.  We helped with dishes and making lunch.  And I don’t know.  It was just really good.  Andrea, the wife/mother of the house, was just SO friendly.  And she just had so much joy.  Also, while we were there, E, Beth, and Clay went to the store to get food for us in Tabon and for some supplies that the family there wanted us to pick up.  So then, after that, we caught a boat that we rode for about 2 hours and arrived at Tabon around 5 o’clock. 

Now, this trip to Tabon was……just very good for me.  When we first got there, there wasn’t much to do, so we all went out to start working on the church.  So after about 5 minutes of standing there doing nothing, I decided to go inside and see if Alejandra needed any help, and Jeano decided to come too.  And sure enough, she had potatoes for us to peel.  Boy oh boy, are we bad in the kitchen.  Haha.  Neither of us really enjoys being in the kitchen, but just from living here in Chile and not having my mom to make food and stuff, I have realized what a necessity it is that I learn some stuff, even if I don’t enjoy it a ton.  But I am so terrible with a knife.  It is ridiculous and quite pathetic.  But anywho.  After that we just sat and talked with Alejandra.

 It was SO ENCOURAGING!  Seriously.  I was just so happy.  First off, I was the one who took the initiative to go and find something productive to do.  Now, that is not that normal for me, especially on this team.  I am the youngest on our team, and I think a lot of times I let that intimidate me, which is really stupid.  I let that get in the way of taking initiative on a lot of things.  I usually just follow what the others are doing and try not to look stupid while doing new things.  And it’s dumb.  I need to step up and out (thanks Brian, for speaking this to me so often :]  I miss being challenged by you every day).  And I am working on it and learning a lot.  And you know, it feels really good when I actually do.  That may sound kinda dumb to those of you who have no problem with this, but for me, it is quite a challenge at times.  So, just seeing that I have actually have made some progress in this area was good to see. 

And secondly, we got to help her out and learn some stuff ourselves.  And the best part was that when the work was done, we had a really great conversation with her.  Now, it wasn’t like the topic was profound or anything, but I understood everything!  And we actually participated in the conversation.  And I would say that it was not any more awkward than if we were just talking in English and meeting her for the first time.  I was just so encouraged.  But there is one little detail.  Alejandra was used to gringos and their lack of Spanish knowledge.  But still.  It was good to know that we could survive here if for some reason Kevin and Carmal wouldn’t let us back in :]

That night, we had some yummy salmon for supper, and after that, we all just sat around talking.  Well, E talked a lot; we listened :]  Nothing too exciting took place.  Oh, but here is a fun fact.  The outhouse was one of the most outhousey outhouses I have ever been in.  I mean, it wasn’t a squatty potty, and for that I am EXTREMELY thankful.  But it was just very…old and patchy.  Just very crude?  Basically, it was just a rough country outhouse.  Nothing comfortable about it.  And, whenever I was just standing inside of it, my head was against the ceiling.  Haha have I ever mentioned how giant-like I am with short Chilenos?  Well, let’s just say that whenever we see a guy that is more than 2 inches taller than me….aka 5’ 10” ish….we pretty much all stare and make sure everyone else sees the phenomenon :]

The next day, we had coffee and bread for breakfast, and then we got started on the day’s activities.  They had 3 projects to try to get done.  1) the work on the church…..the roof I believe.  2) cleaning up the school yard.  And 3) chopping firewood for them.  So, we got to work.  Jeff and E started working on the church, and Jeano was their gopher and helper.  I don’t think I have mentioned before that she hurt her thumb pretty bad while wrestling with Nacho and Diego, so that has been pretty painful for her at times.  It was all bruised and swollen for the first week and a half, but now she can move it better.  It still hurts and is very sore, but she is tough and refuses to get it looked at…..so anywho.  She couldn’t really do the other work.  So then Clay and Beth went with Antonio to the school and took out all the thorny blackberry bush thingies.  And I stayed in the house with Alejandra and helped prepare lunch.  Man, if you ever want me to feel bad about myself, put me in the kitchen for 2 hours.  Yikes.  I am just so bad!  We went and bought some onions, picked some things from her garden, chopped up the veggies, and made some bread.  I made the bread :]  that was exciting.  I actually want to do it more here so that I can get a feel for how much of the ingredients I need.  The woman here are professionals at bread and can make it without even thinking.  It’s crazy.  But I want to be able to make it when I get home, so that is a little challenge for me.  Honestly though.  I am awful in the kitchen.  It took me SO long to prepare the cucumbers.  CUCUMBERS!  There is nothing to it!  But I just cant seem to work a knife with any skill.  Haha.  God was teaching me patience through that I think.  Or He was trying to.  I think I failed in practicing it. 

So after lunch, which ended up turning out good even with me helping with it, all the boys went back out to work on the church, and Beth, Jean, Timoteo (their 12 year old son) and I went to the school and did some more work there.  As I had mentioned before, Beth and Clay had been cutting and uprooting the prickly blackberry bush thingies.  So we went back to pick up their piles and wheel them over to a big burn pile just outside of the school property.  When we started this, there was nothing else on the burn pile.  Just the stuff that we were dumping there.  So that took a good little chunk of time, because they cut a lot of that stuff out.  And after we were done I was like, “Cool.  That didn’t take too long.  It looks so much better.  Now we can go home.”  Yeah.  I was WAY wrong.  Lol

After we picked up those piles, we headed over to the edge of the school property where there were these big, prickly bush/tree thingies growing.  I’m serious.  These things were massive and nasty.  And Timoteo said that we needed to cut all those down and out.  I’m thinking……WHAT?!  All we had was a wheelbarrow, 5 gloves (not pairs….just 5 gloves), a hatchet, and a scythe.  And I mean, I really wish I had my camera there so I could show you guys what these horrible things looked like.  They were like 6-7 ft tall and like 5 ft in diameter each.  And they HURT.  I mean, this is no little evergreen with a little bendy prickly things.  No, this was short, hard prickles covering the entire thing.  AWESOME.  And it was the kind of bush/tree thingy that doesn’t just have a trunk and branches attached to it.  Its like, all the hundreds of branches are in the ground, making it have like a hundred little trunks.  HORRIBLE. 

So we got started on these horrible monsters, and it was difficult.  Jeano got a little part started, and we just went from there.  Timoteo, Jean and I just took turn whacking at the branches, and then when we got them off, Beth and Ezekiel (their 8 year old son) hauled them over to the burn pile.  By this time, it was like 4 in the afternoon or so.  And it was HOT.  Whacking at things for long periods of time takes energy, and by the time we got the first beast killed, we were sweating and in need for water.  Granted, I was the sweatiest.  What’s new?  I seem to have an abnormal amount of liquid inside of me.  Reminded me of basketball practices.  Bet you missed my slimy arms this year, didn’t you, girls?  Heehee.  Gross.  But anywho.  We kept going.  The first horrible bush thing we attacked was solo.  But the rest of these terrible things were in a huge clump.  And that is when it started.  The war began. 

We paused, made up our minds that victory was ours, and began doing the unthinkable: CHOPPING DOWN THE FOREST OF DEATH WITH A DULL HATCHET.  (cue loud, ominous music).

Ok.  That was me getting my dramaticness out.  Thanks for sticking with me.  But anywho.  We started on this huge clump of them.  They were like…..all growing together.  It was crazy.  And kind of painful actually.  Jean still has some splinters in her fingers….a week later.  Not cool.  We found 3 soccer balls, a tennis ball, and a chair inside of these awful trees of pain.  And it took a LONG time.  We were working on them for a good 2 hours.  It was crazy and hot and just hard.  And it really showed me what a wimp I am.  Haha.  I need to get back into doing pushups.  I have no muscle.  But yeah.  We had like 1.5 of of the beginning 8 left to do and it was almost 7 o’clock; Timoteo said that we should get going back to the house.  This was kinda of depressing and defeating and at the same time exactly what I wanted to hear.  I really wish we could have finished with those stupid things, but I don’t know how much more swinging I could do with that dull blade.  So we just called it a day and returned. 

When we got back, supper was almost ready.  Then after dinner, we started talking and got on the topic of personal testimonies.  Now, we have been waiting for the past 4 months to hear E’s story.  But, he was making us wait until we were halfway through, and now we are just waiting for a good time to do it.  He doesn’t like to share it a lot; he says it is ugly.  So he didn’t share his, but all of us went around and shared our stories.  And it was really good.  Spanish makes things harder, but it was a good challenge.  It felt good to be able to share something personal and have Chilenos understand it, even though it wasn’t perfect grammar and stuff.  And then we got to hear some of Antonio’s story, and that was super interesting.  God is big and powerful and still does miracles today! 

Then the next day, the boys went to a field and built a barbed wire fence, Beth was helping with lunch, and Jeano and I went to pick apples.  Now, there is a story that I have just been so eager to share.  It just makes me laugh because it is so….ironic.  Ok, so we were picking apples, and at one point, Jean climbed the tree a little to grab some of the high ones and throw them down to me.  If you know Jean at all, this is not abnormal at all.  She LOVES climbing trees.  So she gets all of the ones that she can reach and then came down.  But there was one problem.  She was stuck.  Now, when most people say they are stuck in a tree, they mean that they have gone too high and can’t get back down.  This was not the case, and if you know Jean, you know that would NEVER happen to her.  No challenge is too difficult for her.  She is fearless, and I really do love that about her.  It makes me kind of jealous actually.  So anywho.  Jean is stuck in the tree….literally.  One of her feet was on the ground, but her other one was hoisted in the air, wedged in between two branches.  She’s like, “Oh, great,” and began trying to yank it out.  The sight of her awkwardly trying to free her foot was very funny, so I was chuckling to myself and saying something along the lines of, “You would, Jeano.”  So I went back to my apple picking after a little and continued to talk.  I can’t remember what I was saying, but whatever it was didn’t require much answering from her.  She replied with little words or whatever, but I just kept on talking and picking.  When I had gotten some more apples, I finally turned around, and there was Jean, repositioning herself and grunting, still stuck in the tree!  I lost it.  I mean, she had been stuck in there for over a minute at least.  And her attempts to free herself were futile.  And finally, as I stood there laughing, she asked for my assistance.  So I went over there and told her to knock off her yanking.  We shoved her shoe forward and were then able to lift it out pretty easily.  That’s why we are a team.  I do the thinking and analyzing, and she does the acting and doing.  It was just so funny.  2 minutes of being stuck in a tree….on the ground.  Baha.  I love you, Jeano.  I really do.  Thanks for being you, a best friend :]  But, I gotta say.  I really wish I had had a camera to capture the moment :p

So anywho.  After we finished that, we headed back to the house.  There were a few blackberry vine thingies to remove there, so we worked on that for a little.  And pretty soon, it was time for lunch.  By the time we had everything cleaned and packed up, it was about time to say goodbye and head out.  Luckily, we will be going back there again to cut down a tree and chop firewood, so we didn’t have to say goodbye forever.  It had been a really great trip, and they were such a blessing to have as hosts.  It was just a very encouraging trip, and I am very thankful for it. 

When we left, we waited on the beach for a boat for about an hour.  And around 5 o’clock, it came and picked us up.  The trip was again, pretty uneventful.  Although, after we got to Calbuco, we had to climb a GINORMOUS hill to find a bus.  This slope was intense.  I mean, it was VERY steep.   I would hate to walk up and down that sidewalk every day.  But other than that, there is nothing else really worth mentioning about the trip. 

The next morning, we got to sleep in :]  Yay for sleep!  Then the boys went to someone’s house to work on their house, Beth…..was doing something that I can’t remember, and Jean and I went with Juanita and the kids to visit Anita.  Nothing too exciting.  But, what is yet to come in this story is VERY exciting :]  So stick with me.

So, while we were in Bariloche for vacation about a month ago, we met some very cool people at our hostile.  One girl we met was Rebekah from Australia.  She is 19 and tall, pretty, adventurous, sweet, and has the best accent ever :]  We talked to her a lot in our down time there, and by the time we left, we had exchanged facebook information and even thoughts of her coming to stay with us on her way back up Chile.  You see, Rebekah is backpacking around South America.  She started off at the end of November and had been traveling with her older sister, but then her sister went back home, and Rebekah has been traveling solo ever since.  She had been making her way down, and once she reached the end of Chile, was going to come back up and stop in and see us maybe.  That’s cool, I thought to myself.  But I never really thought anything would come of it. 

Well, long story short, through communicating with Jean through facebook, she actually planned to meet us in Puerto Montt that night.  So, after our visit, we headed to town and met our friend.  Now, God was totally in all of this.  There were complications in dates and trips and just a bunch of details, but Jean really felt like this was supposed to work.  So between her and Rebekah, they made a plan, and it finally pulled through.  You see, when we met Rebekah in Bariloche, she had told us she had gone to a Protestant church in Australia, but that now she didn’t know what she believed.  At this point, we hadn’t heard very much of her story, but we knew she was confused and searching for truth. 

In all of this, I didn’t have the best attitude.  I mean, I liked Rebekah, but I just felt like we were forcing this to happen too much.  Oh, man.  I was way off base, and I realize that now.  Thank you, Jean, for loving me even in all my faults and wrong comments, and thank You, Jesus, for forgiving my horrible attitude and having mercy on me. 

So, we got to town and found Rebekah waiting there, just like they had planned.  It was good to see her again.  We had a few errands to do in town, so we just did some catching up while we walked around.  Also, it was Nacho’s birthday.  Nacho is like my little brother.  I love the kid.  We always pick on each other and fight, but its fun.  He really is like the younger brother I will never have.  So we were going to have a special dinner for him that night and whatever.  The kid doesn’t like cake (which makes no sense to me at all), so we were roasting chicken on the pit out back.  We had to get some vegetables for salads, and try to find something to get him for his birthday. 

Well, Rebekah came prepared.  She made some desert, an herby bread, and even bought Nacho some really good chocolate for his birthday.  She is just so sweet and thoughtful.  And the girl can cook.  She loves it, and so do we :]  She made a meal for us on Bariloche once as well. 

So anywho.  She hung out with us and was going to spend the night at our house and leave sometime the next morning.  As we hung out with her more and talked, it was obvious how hungry she was for truth and answers.  And again, long story short, she is still here with us today.  It has been a crazy change of plans, but God is WORKING.  It has been amazing to see the ways He has orchestrated everything.  I am blown away.  And yeah.  Let me give you a few details and random facts on everything. 

The first two nights she was here, Jeano and I shared my twin sized bed.  This is the 3^rd time we have slept in a bed made for one person.  And on my bed, it is even more of a challenge.  It is just a quirky one.  But since then, we have got a mattress from E and J for her to use. 

Since she has been here, she has been cooking most of our meals.  The girl is GOOD.  She makes delicious, new, interesting things that are usually pretty healthy.  And, the cool thing about it is that a lot of times, she selflessly makes things that she herself cannot eat.  She can’t eat anything with glutton in it.  But she has only had this problem for a few months as she has been traveling.  The reasoning for this is somewhat complicated, but basically, she loves all normal food, but she just cant have it without her stomach being seriously messed up.  But, despite all of this, she makes DELICIOUS food for us to eat.  And its new and different things!  Its been quite a blessing to have her here. 

She is so sweet.  Constantly, she is doing things to help out.  After church on Sunday, she had a talk with E, and basically she is going to stay with us for as long as she needs.  She is searching.  She has a lot of hurt in her past and so many questions.  Good, but hard questions.  And she is basically at the place of needing to chose to surrender her life to Christ, or give up on Him and try new things.  I mean, she has been trying new things along the way, but none of them are giving her the satisfaction she is looking for.  And she is so hungry and curious.  It has been just so……awesome. 

It’s really hard to explain the whole situation.  Hopefully next post I will have a better understanding of everything as well.  And I will keep you guys updated.  I am just very excited and expectant at this point.  Nothing definite has happened yet since she has been here, but she is teaching me so much!  It has been awesome.  I will just share a little bit on this. 

Basically, I have been forced to figure out what it is that I believe and share it in a way that another person can understand.  And in my sheltered life, this is like the first time I have done this.  There was one time when it was just Rebekah and I, and we had such a good talk!  I just realized how much more I need to step out and faith and talk to people like this.  I cannot keep quiet.  And I need to be able to effectively share my experiences with the Lover of my soul.  You know?  I have just been made very aware of this.  And it has been so good. 

Also, I have just really been shown how important it is for me to be living a life that is in line with what I say I believe.  This is a critical point in Rebekah’s life.  She is searching, but she has been with Christians before.  She knows what Christianity is about, but she has not been given a picture of what it looks like to live it out.  She has been let down, hurt, and just broken by people who say they love Jesus.  And it has really struck me how important it is for me to live out what I say I am all about.  I am sorry.  I cant seem to find the words I am looking for in describing this.  But, the point is, I am learning lots of stuff about myself in having her stay with us.  And it has been really good for me.  God has worked all of this out, and I am just blown away by the perfectness of our Creator.  He is AWESOME. 

So, as this journey continues, I would really appreciate if you guys could keep my team and Rebekah in your prayers.  God is working, and Satan is mad.  He wants to turn her away.  Please pray that we can give a genuine, accurate picture of what following Jesus is all about, and for open and tender hearts and ears to hear and feel when the Spirit is stirring. 

Now, I apologize.  I know this post is SUPER long already.  I am on page 9 of a Word document.  Yea……CRAZY LONG!  And I am sorry….I think.  Actually.  I don’t think I am.  You have a choice.  You don’t need to read this, and you can quit whenever you want to.  But, it is about to get a little longer.  This is where it gets really personal.  This is my heart.  And I just….I need to sort through it and share.  So, proceed with caution if you dare. 

But ok.  Wow.  Today has been INTENSE in my mind.  Really.  This is crazy.  And I just have to spill all of my thoughts to sort them out.  So here we go. 

This morning I woke up at 6 to do my quiet time.  And I always start with picking a picture on my wall and praying for the people in it.  So I was doing that, and then I just kept going.  My plan had been to read some more of Psalms and then journal some thoughts maybe, but once I brought up my future plans and started asking Him which college He was leading me to, I just got nailed with a thought and then began battling with God.  The thought was, “Since when did I lead you to college?”  It’s a simple thought really, but man, it is rocking my world. 

You know, this whole time I have been saying, “Lord, I will go wherever You lead me.  I mean it.  Just point me in the direction You would have me go.”  But really, in my mind I have been thinking, “Just tell me which college it is that You want me to go to, and I will do it.”  I mean, I knew that there might be other options for things He would want me to do, but I have been rationalizing in my head and basically been trying to reason my way out of it subconsciously. 

I think things like, “God wouldn’t have given me the ability to receive scholarships and then just let them go to waste.”  Or “I really have a desire to learn, and God will use that.”  How arrogant!  I mean seriously, Kirsten.  You are acting like you know how God thinks and can predict what He wants! 

This whole time I have felt clueless as to where God wanted me to go.  I had it in my mind that God wanted me to go to college, because I want to go to college.  I kept saying, “Say the word, God, and I will go to whichever one.”  And you know what?  I have felt no persuasion towards either.  And honestly, I would really enjoy either.  They are very different, but I think that is why I would like both of them a lot.  And so I have been asking God to point me to His choice and I will follow.  I’ve felt nothing. 

So all of this has been happening over the last few months.  And this whole time I have thought that I have until May 1^st to decide on a college.  Then I thought I only had until April 1^st.  But now I think it is back to May 1^st.  And I was like…..freaking out here for about 5 days. 

So here I am, sitting in my bed, arguing with God.  He stumps me with His question.  Let me remind you.  “Since when did I lead you to college?”  So I remind Him of the ability He gave me and my desire to learn.  And then, He reminds me that there are many places and ways to learn things and lots of things to learn.  Why would I need a college?  Then I was back with, “Well, what about scholarships?!”  “And what about them?” He said. 

Now, let me interject something here.  Throughout this whole process, I have known that God doesn’t really care about finance situations.  He is WAY above them.  His ways and thoughts are far above ours.  I know this!  And I believe it.  I really do.  But, I have been so selfish and naïve in my thinking.  I may not have meant to, but I put God into a box.  And now, I am realizing that He just can’t fit.  He is far too big and brilliant for me. 

He basically just stripped me right down to the real motivations of my heart.  All along, I thought I was really seeking the will of God.  I honestly thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be.  But He showed me that what I was really doing was pursuing my desires and asking Him to bless them.  I have been planning my future and then asking God where He wants me to go between my options.  And the root of this problem is a lack of surrendering.  …….eeeeek. 

Yep.  That was a slap in the face.  He is asking for my everything, and I have been holding on.  Sure, I have given Him some things.  And shoot.  I thought I had given Him my future.  But I was WAY wrong.  I gave Him the easy part of my future, but I have been holding on very tightly to my selfish desires.  And, as of this morning, He made it very clear that unless I hand it all over to Him, I cannot expect to get an answer in direction from Him. 

Now, I know that being in the center of His will is the best place to be.  My head KNOWS that.  It even believes that.  But, my heart doesn’t want to let go.  I am scared, and I am scared to admit that I am scared.  I know what I want my next year to look like.  And the thought of not having those wants met is scary to me.  But, I don’t want to voice these things because I don’t want Him to take them away.  But He knows me better than I know myself!  He made me!  Stop being dumb, Kirsten.  He knows exactly what you want.  He knows you want to be close to home.  He knows you want to be involved in your family life again.  He knows you don’t want to miss Kaley’s senior year or Kloe’s basketball games anymore.  He knows you want to help kids.  He even knows you want to get involved in outreach opportunities close to home.   And that is all fine and dandy.  But, its not what my life is about. 

The Bible clearly says that as disciples of God, we are not promised the luxury of home.  It also says that anyone who loves his father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him.  …..Wow. 

“What do you have to say to that, Kirsten?”  He is asking me.  “What are you going to decide?”

And so here I am.  I know the truth.  I know that free falling into the arms of my Savior and giving Him EVERYTHING is the best choice.  And I also know that it is the scariest.  I also know that this whole experience, this WHOLE Reach experience, has had a theme of faith for me.  That is the reason I applied in the first place.  I wanted to increase my faith and strengthen my foundation.  And now, here is my opportunity.  The ultimate test of faith.  GIVE.  IT.  UP. 

And as I sit here typing this, I just yet another slap to the face.  I have my iPod turned to Tenth Avenue North.  I love their sound.  They are soothing and genuine and real and powerful in their lyrics.  And as I typed the previous paragraph, I listened to the words of the song playing in my ear, and I am moved to tears.  God, you win. 

The song is Let It Go by Tenth Avenue North.  PLEASE listen to it.  Or just read the lyrics at least.  I am amazed by my Creator.  He is speaking to me in the clearest way I have ever heard in my entire life.  Today, March 27, 2012, has been a very monumental day in my life.  And I mean this very seriously.  This is….this is God.  And He is personal and unique and perfect.  He is all knowing, and I just can’t help but stand in awe of His Majesty.  Here is the link for the song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66njprg_fq8.  And here is the link for the lyrics.  http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=36335

And it doesn’t stop there.  After I had this battle with God, I was talking with Jean and Rebekah about it all.  And then I began to read my book.  Now, this book has been on my mind for the past week or two.  I LOVE it, and I have been suggesting it to lots of people.  And I am not even finished with it yet!  It is just so full of Truth and Power.  Its called The Bravehearted Gospel by Eric Ludy.  READ IT.  I am not kidding.  It will put passion in your bones.  I am usually not very into books like it.  Most of the time, the writers just go over my head, and I cant follow what they are saying.  But this book……it is speaking to me.  So after I tried to explain what was happening in my head to Jean and Rebekah, I picked up this book and started reading.  And not one minute after I started, this is what I read: We don’t want to face the facts that the Christian life isn’t about me, about my wants, about meeting my desires, or about stroking my flesh.  It’s about Jesus Christ and a radical abandon to His wants, His desires, and adoring the love and power found only in His name. 

Wow. 

So that is where I am at.  I have just spent this time in brokenness at His feet.  And I did it.  I gave it up.  It is not worth me holding onto.  HE is EVERYTHING I need.  He said let it go.  And I finally did.  So whether it seems stupid to the world, whether I end up in Bulgaria next year, whether I work at Der Dutchman the rest of my life, I am going where He wants.  Not my desires, but His.  HE MUST BECOME GREATER; I MUST BECOME LESS!  This is my favorite verse, and I feel as though I finally understand what it truly means.  John 3:30. 

Also, in all of this, I realize He never actually said to me that college was outside of His will.  He was just questioning my loyalty and surrender.  I have NO idea if college is where He wants me or not.  It could be….it could not me.  All I know is that He is asking me to wait on Him and His timing and abandon all of my selfish desires for the sake of following Him, and I’m in. 

So, as I have just unloaded my heart here, I am feeling a couple of things. 

1.       Joy.  I honestly feel so full of just complete joy right now.  I have absolutely no idea what the future is going to be for me.  None.  Not a clue.  But, I know that my life is in the hands of the Creator of the Universe, and that is where it is supposed to be.

2.       Peace.  Like I am finally where I am supposed to be….inside of His will.  And it feels good.  SO GOOD. 

3.       Ready.  I know that I have just waged a massive war on my soul.  The devil is going to be doing everything he can to get me to grab on again.  But I don’t want to.  No way. 

Woah.  This has been a crazy post!  I am awestruck.  I really am.  But I just ask right now that you keep me in your prayers right now.  Pray that God would give me the strength and courage to rest in His arms.  Faith.  I need to actively practice faith.  In each and every moment of every day.  And I just ask that you pray that I would know how to approach the future.  Now that I have truly dedicated myself to go to wherever He calls, I know that I have to be watching and listening for His voice.  But I am not sure I know how to do this without mixing my selfishness with His path.  And I need to practice patience in waiting for His leading, but I also need to be thinking about the next couple of months, as decisions do have to be made on colleges and work, whether I say yes or no. 

So yeah.  I just want to thank you all profusely for sticking with me, if you are still reading this.  This was a hard thing to do, but at the same time, I don’t think I could have sorted it all without doing this.  I guess I wouldn’t have to post it in a blog, but I think that it is my duty sort of.  If God can at all use what I have just experienced to touch the life of someone reading this, then that is all that matters.  So thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers.  I will be keeping you all updated on everything going on over here.  Hopefully by my next post I will have more information on the Roberto situation, Hopey’s puppies, Rebekah, and even my position in the world.  But, if not, then I know God’s timing is best.  I love you all so much.  Thank you and GOD BLESS!!

Catching up

She did it!  Our Hopey did it!  She finally popped :]  we now have 2 minis in our cardboard box.  But, its not all good news.  You see, we don’t know exactly how many she had, but we do know that there are 2 in her stomach that will never be coming out as puppies.   …..she ate them.  It was…awful.  But, I guess that is what happens to stillborns?  Let’s go back to being excited tho.  The first one she had we decided to name Patrick, since it was born on St. Patrick’s Day.  I also thought that Douglas would be a good name for him.  Distinguished and all, ya know?  So Patrick Douglas….PD for short, which sounds like Petey :D  the second one is white and looks like a little rat pig.  So Piglet :]  Now, we haven’t actually discussed these names officially, and we also don’t know what gender they are, so the names are very likely to change.  But for now in my brain they are Hopey, Petey, and Piglet, the happy little family.  I am not sure how the little guys are going to last the winter, but I really hope they make it.  And don’t worry.  I’ll keep you all updated on our pet situation each week :]

Now, for some more pointless information, today we bought a ping pong table.  They LOVE ping pong.  And I have to say.  They are VERY good.  Nacho and E are like ping pong ninjas.  E looks like a boxer when he plays, jumping around and grunting every now and then.  So hopefully I get better while I am here.  Look out, Skylar.  I am finally gonna beat you :]

But ok.  Now for some real business.  I am having a hard time remembering what the last thing I posted about is.  And its been a little while.  The past 2 weeks have been….very different.  And its going to be kinda hard to explain, so get ready. 

Ok.  So last weekend we went to Chiloe, but the Thursday before that, E left to go diving for some work.  He got back on Friday night, and we left early Saturday morning for Chiloe.  It was our whole team minus Beth, and 12 other people.  Yeah.  Big group.  Beth stayed back to keep an eye on Nacho, Diego, and Johan who weren’t going for a lack of room.  So we took 2 vehicles to get there.  Fernando, his wife Cati, and his daughter Jasmine (8), plus Anais (12 year old daughter of Roberto) and our whole team rode in the infamous truck/van thingy.  The back had a bench seat and a mattress on the ground for us to sit on.  Jeff drove, and it was actually not that uncomfortable.  Nothing compared to our Concepcion trip.  In the other car, a 4 door Mazda, was E, J, Elizabet, Josue, Mirian (3), Roberto, his wife Anita, and Maria.  The trunk was PACKED with our luggage and sleeping bags.  Their ride was definitely worse than ours.

But anywho.  The trip takes like 5.5 hours driving, but on the way there, we made quite a few stops, attempting to visit people.  First, we stopped in Castro, the middle of Chiloe, and basically stretched our legs, snapped some pics, and used some bathrooms.  At this point, we asked # if we should buy food for lunch, but he told us that we would get food in a different city.  No biggie.  So we drive some more and end up going to another missionary family’s house.  That was a good visit.  They could speak English :]  and yeah.  It was just a very encouraging visit.  Then we drove some more and went to visit E’s dad.  He wasn’t home, so we went to a stadium place thing.  E and Roberto went inside for awhile and talked with him.  We were all chilling in the cars and by this time, I was VERY hungry, restless, and in desperate need of a bathroom.  It was about 3:30 and all I had eaten was cereal at 7am and a few cookies and crackers.  So after that, we went to try and find E’s brother.  He also wasn’t home, so we gave up and decided to keep going.  Now, this was the city that we were supposed to get lunch form.  But since the visits took longer than anticipated, we were just going to wait til we got to our final destination to eat.  Great.  Luckily tho, we did stop to use the bathroom.

So we finally get to this house at like 6.  It was Fernando’s brother’s house, and it was NICE.  The outside didn’t look like much, but the inside was great.  The nicest house we have been in so far.  And they had hot water!  When we first got there, the family was not there.  But we settled ourselves right in and started making dinner.  A little over an hour later, we were eating a delicious rice and meat mixture.  So good.  Granted, a plastic bottle would have prolly tasted pretty good at this point (ok nto quite…I just like to be dramatic), but really, it was delicious.  Then, around 8 or so, E, Jeff, Roberto, Fernando, his brother (who did end up arriving with his wife and little son), Cati, and I left to visit a house of a man with terminal cancer.  I was VERY intimated by this.  What do you say to someone with a terminal illness?  And, at this point, we didn’t think he was a Christian.  But, we went, and it ended up being a very good visit.  E did most of the talking and the guy knows just what to say.  Also, we are pretty sure the guy was a Christian.  He was just filled with questions which is quite understandable.  But yeah.  It was very good.  We left around 10:30 and by the time we got back to the house, I was pretty tired.

So by about midnight, 8 girls were sleeping in 1 room.  Yes.  8.  There were Jean, Anais, Jasmine, and I on the floor, Mirian, Anita, and Cati on the bed, and Maria, squished on the floor between the bed and dresser.  Haha.  It was pretty great.  We were jolted awake twice by the sound of Mirian screaming for no real reason, and since I was sleeping right by the door to the room, I had about 3 times of being hit as someone got up to go to the bathroom.  That was fun.  But all in all, I did actually sleep pretty good. 

The next morning, we got up and had some bread and coffee for breakfast.  Then we basically just sat around and were getting ready to put on a little church service at the terminal cancer guy’s house.  That sounds awful, but I honestly cant remember his name.  So we went back there and ended up having a really great mini service in their living room.  Cati and Jeff played for worship and E gave the message.  It was nice to be able to see them again.  We actually want to go back to them again before we leave if we have time.  I really hope we do.  They said over and over how encouraged they were to have us there, and it was just a really great visit.  I enjoyed it a lot. 

I forgot a chunk of information back there.  Before we left for the TC guy’s house, we found out that Maria and Roberto’s 30 year old sister who has been battling cancer for the past 10 years just made a turn for the worse.  She lives in Santiago, which is like 12 hours from Puerto Montt, so when we finished the service at the house, we ate lunch as fast as possible, and then headed out.  We left at 4 o’clock and got back around 9.  It was a pretty uneventful trip back.  We did have some laughs in our vehicle, teaching Fernando how to say fart since he wanted to know.  Haha.  The guy is just funny.  But other than that, nothing too interesting happened.

When we got back to Alerce, the goodbyes were pretty fast.  Roberto, Maria, and E were going to head out for Santiago that night, so they quickly got ready to leave.  But when they got to the bus station, they realized that it was like 10 dollars cheaper per person to wait until 8 the next morning.  So that is what they decided to do.  We found out that next day, a Monday, that Roberto’s sister did end up dying, and that they were too late to see her. 

Now, you see.  This whole situation just looks kinda impossible to our human brains.  Their sister was still young herself.  And she has two little kids, between the ages of 2 and 4.  Her husband apparently has something mentally wrong with him, so he can not take care of the kids.  And her parents just don’t know if they can handle it either.  We still do not know exactly what is happening with the whole situation.  All I know is that God’s ways are higher than anything we can imagine and greater than what we could ever orchestrate.  Trust and unwavering faith in this truth is all that we can do.  God always keeps His promises, and we know that He works everything out for the good of those who love Him.  And Roberto’s sister did in fact love Jesus.  And she is now in a MUCH better place than here on Earth.  So yeah.  Anita and all of their kids ended up going to Santiago Tuesday morning.  It has just been a very hard time here.  So if you all could please just keep that family in your prayers, that would be AWESOME.  I have no doubt that God is going to do something beautiful through this situation.   We just need to have faith, patience and confidence in our All-Powerful Savior. 

So this is getting a little confusing a realize.  The problem is that all of this happened about 2 weeks ago.  The limited computer time makes blogging difficult sometimes, but I will be getting caught up on everything in the next week.  So expect another post in the next week as well.  My apologies though.  I am trying to wrap this one up so that I can start fresh with my new thoughts and news on what we have been doing recently.  I feel like my head is so full and jumbled with too many thoughts right now.  So I just need a fresh start. 

Basically, the next few days while E was still gone, we just did some more visiting and little projects around the house.  He usually runs the show and makes the plan for our team.  So life with him gone was a little more difficult.  There were a lot more opportunities for us to just study the Word and look for outreach opportunities on our own.  We picked up trash around the area 2 days and thought of some people that we could visit, but nothing too exciting happened during this time.  E had been gone from home for like a week straight basically, except for a few hours of him sleeping and packing to leave the next day.  So when he got back on Friday, he just took some time to rest which was very good.  The guy is a machine.  I admire him so much.  Nothing gets in the way of him ministering to others.  He is a real, passionate Jesus follower that I have learned so much from.  I am so thankful that we can have him as our coordinator.  It is quite the privilege. 

Some more pointless information would include that I got my first Chilean hair salon experience that week.  I went in just to get it trimmed and cleaned up.  I mean, who doesn’t love a hair cut?  They really are very therapeutic for me.  I just love em.  So I went in, but its kind of hard to explain what you want when you don’t speak the same language, and I basically just ended up telling her that I still wanted it long and the “points” cut.  Well, she did what she wanted with it, and it isn’t terrible, although I don’t really think I would call it a “trim”.  Haha.  I got some pretty extreme layers going on right now.  So I guess you could still say it is “long”, but by the time you get to the shortest layer, it is quite short.  O well.  It’s Chile, it was cheap, and it was an experience. 

Also, I have officially lost my first fingernail.  The week before we were moving firewood, and Clay was pushing the wheelbarrow.  There is about a 2 inch jump from dirt to sidewalk at E’s house, so I was grabbing the front of the wheelbarrow to help pull it up which was successful the 2 other times we did it, but this time, Clay accidentally went forward instead of up with his end, and my finger got jammed in between the metal bar and concrete slab.  It didn’t hang on for too long.  There was a lot of air under my nail, so finally, while we were in Chiloe, I decided to just speed up the inevitable.  And now, I have a hotdog looking nub for one of my fingers :]  It is really unattractive.  I have come to the conclusion that with all of my nicks and scars on my hands, that an arm amputee would have a better shot at being a hand model than me.  But o well.  At least my hands still work :]

And now for one more bit of exciting news.  Mail day happened last week.  Mail day here is quite interesting.  I think that it is about every 3 weeks that a mail man comes around and delivers mail here in Alerce.  Now big packages, you have to pick up from the post office.  But letters and small packages get delivered to the door.  It is quite a mystery when that will happen though.  But I guess that is just how life is without mail boxes.  So anywho, mail day happened, and I would just like to give a quick shout out to my friends Rachel, Carrie, Liz, Brittany, Nut, and Janelle.  You guys are pretty much the greatest ever.  And I am being sincere.  Thank you all so much for blessing me and showing me how much you care.  I was quite emotional as I was looking at all my goodies and reading your notes.  Made me miss you all SO MUCH.  And I am just so blessed to have you all in my life.  I love you guys.  Also, thank you Aunt Mae for your card.  It was just such a huge blessing to get all of that encouragement and news from home.  Cant wait to have one of your delicious butterfinger milkshakes when I return :]

Guys, can you believe that I have less than 2 months left here??  It is crazy!  We just got our schedule this morning for the rest of our time here, and it is going to FLY by.  With all the trips that we still have to take, I am realizing just how precious our time here in Alerce really is.  I am so excited to see what God has in store for the last month and 3 weeks here, but it is scary at the same time.  I need to make the most of every single opportunity here and soak up as much culture and Truth as I can while I still have the time here.  Also, I know it is just going to be so hard to leave all the amigos we have made.  I really cant spend too long thinking about it without getting quite depressed.  And with this realization of how few our days left here are, I have been made aware of just how quickly my approaching decisions need to be made.  So here comes the part of this post for specific things I would love prayer for:

-        -  God’s eyes and heart for the ways that I personally can reach out here and take initiative with on my own

-        -  Guidance on what the future holds for me.  I have some pretty big decisions to be making about what college God has planned for me to attend, or even if that is His will.  I want to do exactly what He has purposed for my life, and I don’t want my own thoughts and preferences to get in the way of where He is trying to lead me.  So prayer for ridding myself of my own preferences and really seeking His will would be great. 

-        -  Roberto and his family.  God is so much bigger than any problem we are facing.  Pray for comfort and peace in the situation and that God would use this to bring more people to Himself. 

-         -  My upcoming sermon.  I will be preaching on the 15^th of April.  Just pray that I allow God to guide my words and have Him speak through me.  And that I use my time wisely here in planning for it, seeing as to how we have some trips in between now and then and my history with procrastination :]

-        -  A continued increase of stepping out in faith.  I am learning so much during this time, and faith is a huge part of that.  in my next post, I will be talking more about some things that have been on my heart recently and the things that I have been learning. 

-        -  Also, I would love continued prayers for our team.  Just more unity and a united vision for what God has for us here.  Patience and love are huge. 

Thank you all so much for all of your support and love throughout this whole experience.  You guys are incredible, and I pray that God would bless you for the huge blessing you have been in my life.  Thank you all for showing me in practical ways that you care.  It means more than you will ever know.  I love you guys. 

I don’t even know what I should call this post.  I feel like it is all over the place and very scattered.  But like I said, next week I will be posting again and catching up.  Being behind and trying to recall past events is hard, especially when I feel like the things on my mind have changed and grown from then.  So yeah.  Stay tuned for a hopefully better look inside my brain and life here. 

And before I go, I will leave you with one more thing.  The song of the post this week is Always by Switchfoot.  Just a great song that I have loved for a long time and that I listened too again recently on a bus ride.  Soothing and filled with truth.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUV6z_uUpQM Enjoy and God bless!