Tears

Wow.  It is my last night at home for 6 months.  The last night I will sleep in my house.  This is crazy, terrifying, sad, exciting, emotional, and exhilarating all at the same time.  At the moment, my mind is going a thousand different directions.  I still have a lot of little things to get done before I leave tomorrow.  So as a way of getting a grip on what's going on, I decided to share a short post and organize my thoughts.

Song of the post is Tears of the Saints by Leeland.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg1jBuInMqA  Been stuck in my head all day.  A song of passion for the lost.  Let's do something about it.  Let's lead them home.

Its been a wonderful, tough week.  I have LOVED being home.  It's been so good.   But now I realize that this feeling of being home does not even compare in the least to what it will feel like to be home eternally.  It's going to be....INCREDIBLE.  And it's our job to invite people to that home too.  We need to lead them home.  The home that we never have to leave.  The home where there is no saying goodbye.  The eternal home with my Father.

I hate goodbyes.

I'm also not a fan of crying.  It just isn't fun for me.  Some people say it makes them feel better.  And you know.  That might be true sometimes.  But a lot of times for me, it makes me wanna just sob some more and then sleep forever.  I hate being sad.  But I guess its a good thing I'm sad to be leaving.  Just so hard.  But its already started.  My little sister made sure of that.  The little pipsqueak had me crying while I did my hair this morning.  Not cool.


As I write this post, I find myself reflecting on all the good times I've had in the past 3 months.  With all the things I've learned and the amazing people I have gotten to know and then being able to come home and feel more love in 8 days than some people feel in a lifetime, I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am.  I don't know why I am this fortunate when so many other people are not.  It's something that I will never understand I guess.  But what I do know is that since I am so blessed, I can be a blessing.  That is my prayer.  That I could be a blessing to those I meet.  I want to help those around me and be moved with compassion to act. 

Today and tomorrow have been and will be emotional.  Tears will be shed, I have no doubt.  And its good, as much as I hate to do it.  But, I want to have tears, not only because I am saying goodbye for a little while, but because I am so passionate for the kingdom of God that it breaks my heart to see the lost.  Being sad is not a bad thing.  But the fact that I am dwelling on my sadness is a bad thing.  Yes, I am leaving for 6 months.  It feels like a long time if I compare it to days or weeks.  But really, in light of eternity, 6 months is nothing.  Really.  And as my soul is finding peace in all of this, I realize I have more courage to face what is coming.  6 months.  I can do this.  My team can do this.  God can do this.  And if God is for us, who can ever stop us? 

Thank you so much for your prayers.  I have felt them, and they work.  I honestly feel at peace right now, and I know there have been prayers going up for me.  Please pray for my family, boldness, unity, compassion, and for God's guidance in everything we do.  It's been quite the journey.  And as it continues, I'm buckling up for some adventure.  God bless.