Sunday, June 24, 2012

All For HIM.

Hey guys.  It's been a little while since I last usual :]  I promise things have changed for me since coming back, but procrastinating is NOT one of them, much to my mother's dismay.  So I'm gonna just jump right in this time.  I am in much need of processing my thoughts anyway.

So, things since being back have had their ups and downs.  This past week was very good in my life.  I was very busy, but it was good.  I had the opportunity to help out at a trailer park and get to know some really awesome kids every morning last week.  It was like a mini VBS thing that we did there, and I LOVED it.  It really confirmed and encouraged me.  I have no doubt that I do in fact want to work with kids.  I love it and have a passion for it.  And the devil can not take that away from me.  I won't let him.  So that was just a really great experience.  I am very amped to continue to get involved there and further the relationships with the kids there.  God is opening doors for that, and I am just so excited.

Another thing that has been going on is a lot of work.  This has been keeping me busy and has really helped normalize life here again.  And I really think this is good.  I mean, it gets a little crazy at times, and I definitely need to balance what I do better....what I fill my time with.  But, I am very thankful that I have a job and am able to get hours.  I have a new appreciation for what I do as well.  I view things differently now.  But hold up.  I am in no way trying to say that I am an expert on life now.  Not at all.  I just....I don't know.  I feel like my heart has an increased desire to impact people in the small things in life.  Like, I have more of a purpose at work now than just getting people their donuts.  Are you following?

It's like, my eyes have been opened to the importance of being a testimony in every area of my life.  Like I said, I am no expert at this, but I am beginning to realize how this is possible even in just being friendly and genuine with customers and coworkers.  I definitely fail at times.  There are moments when I just don't feel like caring and just want to be tired.  But I just really enjoy my job a lot more than I used to.  And I know, I am just now getting back into it, and I haven't been there for very long, but I really do feel like this is a change that has been made on my heart.

You know, I just really want to change my world.  I do.  That is what I want to do.  And you know what else.  I bet a lot of people would agree with me and say that they want to change their worlds too.  So then I just gotta ask the question, WHY AREN'T WE DOING IT?!?

I guess what has been on my heart for the past couple of days is why are we content to just live life?  Sure, I say I wanna make a difference.  WHAT DON'T I?  I have so many opportunities all around me.  But I get so wrapped up in MY life with MY comforts and MY wants.  It's time for me to move to action.

I believe the last time I posted, I told you all I am having some difficulty balancing stuff.  And that is still true. It's hard.  I don't really know how to take the things I have learned and that I know are good and apply it to my life and encourage those around me to really get involved as well.  How do you encourage and push for passion without passing judgments?  One part of that I have realized is you do it in LOVE.  Love has to be the thing that backs all of my actions.  And I have failed miserably at this many times, especially with my family.  And I am very sorry about that.

Love is an action, and its a choice.  And I have the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE.  That is something that has been on my mind a lot since reentry at the RIC.  It was mentioned in a session that we have the freedom to choose how we let the stuff that goes on in our lives affect us.  So true.  And very difficult.  But so worth it.

I am a pansy.  My initial reaction a lot of times to hard stuff that happens in my life is......poor me.  PATHETIC.  I mean, buck up, Kirsten!  Your life is so easy.  I have absolutely nothing to complain about.  EVER.

Really, all I wanna do is glorify God.  That is what I wanna do.  But, as hard as I try, I seem to always fall short and mess up.  I hurt people, am too harsh, forget to think before I speak, and just end up doing more harm than help.  And I am finally realizing why.  I CANT DO IT.

I have been trying to do it on my own strength.  And although that works for a little bit sometimes, it without fail always fails in the end.  Yes, without fail always fails.  But I am serious!  That has been my problem, and I am finally realizing that today.

I began writing this post alone at a coffee shop after having a less than pleasant argument with my family in which I frustrated a lot of things.  This really helped me sort some stuff out....I just needed to take a step back and out and figure out what was going on.  Then, later tonight, my mom and I had a much needed and wonderful heart to heart.  I just really love that woman a lot.  She is a wise one and so patient and forgiving with me.  I don't know what I would do without her.

She brought some really good truths to my realization and showed me a different perspective to look at life from.  I just realize how I have been going after this whole "world change" thing all wrong.  I need love.  I need patience.  I need Jesus and His strength.  I am literally worthless without Him.  How is that for a humbling thought?

Like I said earlier.  I wanna glorify God and change my world.  I really do.  So that is what I am going to strive for in everything.  But, I am not going to try it on my own anymore.  You would think I would have learned this already, but I am stubborn.  I have been very challenged though.  And the thing about challenges is they take time and perseverance.  They take some failing and frustration and getting back up and trying again.  Success is difficult to accomplish.  Its a battle and a struggle.  But the refreshing thing is, I don't have to struggle alone.  My God is always with me, holding me when I can't take another step, and pushing me when I just don't feel like it anymore.  He never gives up on me, even when I feel like quitting.  He is FAITHFUL.

So yeah.  I guess that is what I am working on right now.  I am trying to prioritize my life better.  I love my life and the people in it.  Exciting things are happening and change is still happening and coming.  It's scary and thrilling all jumbled together.  And in the midst of everything, God is working here, and He is working in Chile.  He is working in my heart, and He is working in the lives of you all too.

The song of the post is AWESOME.  One of the best songs I have heard.  Powerful words.  Life anthem material.  Let's go do it.

No comments:

Post a Comment